Dear Boarwilds, Just Try to Squelch Hogwarts!
by Alicornia
Summary: In the future, a new witch&wizard school in Britain is starting to overthrow Hogwarts. The students who choose to remain at Hogwarts for tradition are in for a lot of madness, romance, adventure, and the occasional wild boar. All OCs, plus McGonagall. R
1. A New Year

**_Summary: Rebecca Curd, Penelope Trimble, and many others are returning to Hogwarts. But what's this? A new school for witches and wizards has sprung up in Britain? Yes. Boarwilds aims to absorb Hogwarts, and already students are transferring. But proud students like Rebecca and Penelope aren't letting Hogwarts die so easily. With a new headmaster – sorry_**, **headmistress****_, as well as a batch of new professors that range from awfully strict to seriously deluded, they're ready to do battle. Raging hormones and reawakened prejudices only add to the madness!_**

_**I do not own any part of Hogwarts/Harry Potter – that's all thanks to J.K. Rowling, of course. Lucky woman! (And **_**Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging**_**, as well as the rest of the **_**Confessions of Georgia Nicolson**_** series, belongs to Louise Rennison.)**_

**Chapter One**

A New Year

Sitting on her trunk, Rebecca Curd let out a groan. The massive stack of books (some for school, most for her own pleasure) simply refused to fit inside with her uniforms, casual clothing, and other necessities. She climbed off of it, and the second her weight left, the lid sprung open, burying her feet in brightly coloured stockings and one lacy pink brassiere.

"Oi, put that away!" someone snapped from behind her. It was her lanky older brother, Roderick, who was presently eyeing the brassiere with horror. "Really, Becky. Seeing a girl's bra is one thing, but seeing your sister's..." He shook his head sadly.

Sticking her tongue out, Becky attempted to shove everything back into the trunk. She succeeded only in knocking a few books onto the floor.

Roderick sighed. "Why don't you just get Mum to shrink 'em down for you?"

As they were both still under seventeen, they couldn't perform spells outside of school. As if on cue, Mrs. Curd sauntered into the room, wand held high. "Yes, yes. I'll do just that. But first, let's make sure you actually _need_ all of this..."

Becky held her breath as her mother dug through the trunk. Roderick snickered as the pink brassiere was once again in sight.

"It seems like you don't have too many useless knickknacks in here, but honestly..." Mrs. Curd held up a series of nine books. "Must you bring _Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging_ with you? This is not only senseless drivel, but Muggle lit!" She proceeded to examine the other books in the series, muttering things like, "What in the world are nunga-nungas?"

Roderick slipped stealthily out of the room, knowing the beginning of Bicker Fest when he saw one.

"Please, Mum!" Becky whined. "I could use the series as an ice breaker! Any girl who likes those books can easily be a friend of mine. I'll just show them to the girls in my dormitory and let them read them and-"

Her mother cut her off. "The second one mentions Sex Gods! Rebecca, if this is some sort of bodice ripper, I-"

"It's not! Honestly, Mum!"

The Bicker Fest continued for a few more minutes. Fortunately for Becky, the entire series was nicely shrunk, along with the other books, and her trunk latched shut.

"Alright, dear..." Her mother paused. "Merlin's beard! We're going to miss the Hogwarts Express if we don't get out of this house right _now_!" She dashed out onto the landing. "Roderick! If you know what's good for you, you'll be outside with the portkey!"

The sound of the front door opening and slamming was a good enough signal that her brother knew _exactly_ what was good for him. Becky was pleased that her trunk didn't weigh way too much for her to carry, and she rushed after her mother, the shrunken books bumping around noisily.

Mrs. Curd grabbed her children roughly by the shoulders. "Oh, my dears..." she began, her eyes watering. Then, with a loud snorting noise, she fixed a more determined expression on her face. "Make sure to send me a post the very moment you get a chance. Becky, I set a timer on the shrinking charm, so your books will grow to their normal size tonight. Make sure your trunk is open before you go to bed, or it will seriously explode."

"There'll be bras and knickers _everywhere_," Roderick put in, ignoring Becky's sharp jab to his side.

With another snorting noise, Mrs. Curd broke down and embraced her children tightly, rustling their golden hair. "Good luck, my dears." She stepped back and smiled sadly.

Becky blew her a kiss and quickly strapped her cauldron to the top of her trunk. Roderick followed suit, and together, the Curd siblings grabbed onto the portkey. Today's portkey was an old Muggle magazine, its cover plastered with some bloke named Daniel Radcliffe.

The last thing they saw was their mother's beaming and tearstained face.

*****

"Platform nine-and-three-quarters," Penelope Trimble whispered to herself. Her trolley rattled along the stone floor of the station. "Platform nine-and... and..." Her voice trailed off as soon as she caught sight of the brick wall between nine and ten. Tightening her grip on the trolley handle, she set off toward the wall at a brisk pace -

- And crashed into someone with the same plan. "Ow! Bloody 'ell!" cried out the owner of the second trolley. His cat carrier toppled to the floor, and the animal it contained began screeching a volley of cat curses.

"Oh! Oh! I'm _so_ sorry!" Penny tried to peel herself off the cold floor, but her wavy chocolate locks were caught underneath the wheels of the other trolley. "Um, I..."

The newcomer managed to get to his feet. "I don't believe we've met," he said calmly, peering down at her in her sorry state. The fluorescent light shining from the ceiling blocked his face from her view.

_Yes, thank you for helping me up_, Penny wanted to snap. Miraculously, she held it in. "Nor do I," she agreed. "Penelope Trimble. Gryffindor. Sixth year." She didn't know what else he needed to know, so she shut herself up.

He brightened. "Same here," he announced. "Well, the sixth year part. I'm really in Slytherin. And my name is Gilbert Malfoy."

Penny frowned. _Malfoy_, she mused. _Where have I heard that name before...?_

Gilbert finally pushed his trolley off of her, and then held out his hand. "Here." As soon as Penny was vertical, she could see his face. He was handsome, she supposed, but he had an air of overconfidence. She liked his strawberry blonde hair, though. Cute.

"Well," she said with a sigh. "Perhaps we'd best be getting to the Express. If I miss it..." She grimaced. "... There'll be hell to pay."

"Same here!" Gilbert said again. "Hey, do you want to..." He bit his lip. "Never mind. See you at school." Without further ado, his picked up his cat carrier and hastened through the wall with his trolley.

Confused, Penny gathered her own belongings and followed. But once she'd reached the Hogwarts Express, he had disappeared into the crowd of students.

*****

"Ah, Cassius..." Professor Marcell sighed at his own reflection in the mirror hovering in the air before him. "You are a sexy beast."

He allowed the mirror to float gently down to his desk. With a dramatic swish of his robes, he stood and pranced delightedly to the window. "Cassius! In a few hours, all the students will be arriving! All the pretty little witches in their cute uniforms..." The sky, for once, was free of clouds, and the professor beamed into the sunlight.

His image in the window wasn't enough. "_Narcissus_," he whispered with a flick of his wand, and the window shuddered and became a temporary mirror. "Honestly, my friend! You really are gorgeous." The professor ran a hand through his chestnut hair.

A cough from behind him interrupted his preening. "Cassius? Are you available?"

Professor Marcell saw the headmistress behind him in the window mirror and whirled around. "I... Yes, yes, Headmistress!" _She didn't hear the sexy beast part, did she?_

"Good," she replied calmly, gliding gracefully toward him. Her eggplant-hued robes made a soft _hiss_ on the polished wooden floors. "You are to be the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. I should think that one of that title should not be partaking in vanity, one of the darkest arts imaginable!" She chuckled quietly and raised an eyebrow, not stressing the age on her face but instead her wit and strictness.

Professor Marcell's face reddened alarmingly. "Forgive me, I didn't know I was being watched. I promise to keep it to myself. I simply can't help it." He grinned warily, hoping he hadn't spoken out of turn.

The wise old lady smirked. "Very well. But I must warn you, I have seen far more handsome wizards than yourself. This could be a wasted hobby."

If the professor's face could have gone any redder, it would have then.

"Ah, I am being a nasty girl, aren't I? You may not be the most handsome, but you've got _something_ going for you, at least." She patted his cheek and, in an act that surprised both of them, stuck out her tongue.

"You are too kind," Professor Marcell mumbled, blanching now, "I haven't known you to be so free with compliments, Headmistress McGonagall."

She laughed. "Too true, Cassius, too true. This is all you'll get from me." She turned away from him swiftly and practically floated to the door. Stopping there, she glanced back and smiled deviously, her eyes twinkling good-naturedly. "'Sexy beast' may be a bit much."

He gasped with horror, she cackled with mirth, and something in a cage squawked with utter delight: "_Sexy beast! Sexy beast!_"

*****

Three different people. Three seemingly separate lives. But in a few hours' time, these three - and more - will meet. Fates will be inextricably entwined. And madness (both the good and bad kinds) will ensue! As usual.


	2. The Hogwarts Express

**_Summary: Rebecca Curd, Penelope Trimble, and many others are returning to Hogwarts. But what's this? A new school for witches and wizards has sprung up in Britain? Yes. Boarwilds aims to absorb Hogwarts, and already students are transferring. But proud students like Rebecca and Penelope aren't letting Hogwarts die so easily. With a new headmaster – sorry_**, **headmistress_, as well as a batch of new professors that range from awfully strict to seriously deluded, they're ready to do battle. Raging hormones and reawakened prejudices only add to the madness!_**

_**I do not own any part of Hogwarts/Harry Potter – that's all thanks to J.K. Rowling, of course. Lucky woman!**_

**Chapter Two**

The Hogwarts Express

Becky scrambled up the iron steps of the train, trying her best not to smack passers-by with her trunk. _I can't believe the summer hols are already over_, she mused. _I missed this train, though. It's so... majestic, I suppose._

"See you later, Becks," Roderick said distantly. He'd spotted his chums and was making a beeline toward them, effortlessly carrying his belongings.

"Bye," she whispered. Trust Ricky to abandon her when she was having difficulties. Opening a passenger compartment at random, she found it to be full. She tried again and again with no success. _Why did _all_ of my friends have to transfer to Boarwilds?_

Boarwilds. Becky stiffened at the thought of the new school that had opened. There was supposed to be only one school in the country for witches and wizards, but after all of the bad happenings in Hogwarts in the not-so far off years, the Ministry of Magic was worried that people would start home schooling their children or - Merlin forbid - send them to the new American academy. Already a third of the Hogwarts students were attending Boarwilds. This included almost three quarters of the first years.

The door she tried this time was jammed. Giving it a little jiggle, she managed to yank it open, only to reveal three boys about her age. Two had dark hair, but the third possessed tresses of fair reddish blonde. All three, however, were staring at her.

"Oh... I'm... So sorry to intrude," Becky spluttered. Nobody was wearing their uniforms yet, so she didn't know which house the boys came from, but she thought one of the darker boys came from Slytherin.

The fair boy smirked. "No, please. Come sit with us." The other boys snickered.

Becky flushed crimson and moved to shut the door. "Oh, no! No, thank you! I - my friends - we..." Their smirks only broadened. "Good day!" she shrilled.

_Oh Merlin oh Merlin oh Merlin_... The blonde only stopped to catch her breath when she was a good five doors down from them. _Those boys were so rude! Were they leering at my legs? Why, oh why, did I have to wear my plaid miniskirt today?!_

In her distress, Becky opened a door and flew inside of it without bothering to see if anyone was already there. Settling on a seat with a loud, exasperated sigh, she opened her eyes to see a girl smiling at her. "Oh! Oh, goodness! I thought this was empty... You were sitting all cramped up in the corner there, I... I..."

The other girl laughed, causing her rich brown tresses to dance around her shoulders. "Calm yourself, lassie! It's perfectly fine. I'm all alone myself." She was rather pretty, with emerald green eyes - and tall, Becky noted.

"In that case, all me to introduce myself. My name is Rebecca Curd - please, call me Becky. I'm a Gryffindor gal, and this'll be my sixth year!"

The brunette continued to smile warmly. "Blimey! I, too, am a Gryffindor in sixth year! How is it that we never met before? Wait, don't answer that. I know why. You were in the B class, weren't you?" The school had been so packed for several years that each year of each house was split into two.

Becky nodded. "And what's your name?"

"Oh, dear. I_ completely_ forgot to mention my own name. I'm such a halfwit. Anyway, it's Penelope. Penelope Trimble. And-" She beamed once more. "- I prefer Penny."

Any further discourse was interrupted by a knock on the door. Penny swung it open, and smiled at the figure standing behind it. "Anything off the trolley, dears?" the old witch asked. She gestured to the portable mound of literally magical sweets before her.

Penny dug into her pocket. "Ah... Two Chocolate Frogs - I'm working on my card collection. Oh, and one bag of Bernie Bott's Every Flavour Beans!" She held out a few Sickles.

Once she had given Penny her sweets, the trolley witch smiled down at Becky.

"Just one Frog for me, thanks. Wait, no, I'll have a bag of the Beans, too. Ah, a Liquorice Wand as well." She reddened and held out her money.

The witch chuckled hoarsely. "Don't worry, _no one _can buy just one."

*****

As soon as the trolley witch turned away, Penny thanked her and then shut the door. "Ah, phooey. I've got Circe again," she grumbled, peering at the cards that came with her Frogs. "And Merlin. I must have twenty of him." She stuffed them into her pockets.

"I'll trade you Hengist of Woodcroft for Circe," Becky offered.

Penny clapped her hands at this proposal and was about to hand over her Circe card when the compartment door swung open again. A breathless girl with fiery hair tumbled in and landed on Penny's lap with a cry of surprise. There was suddenly a large splattering of a sticky red substance.

Becky let out a shriek as her pretty skirt was covered in it. "Is that _blood_?"

Staring down at her lap, Penny sighed. "Nah. Ketchup." She helped the girl into a vertical position and stared at her. All three of them were coated in the condiment. "What were you doing with a bottle of ketchup, and why do you look like you've just run a marathon?"

The girl reddened. "I was buying a hot dog from one of those hot dog cart guys..." she began. Her accent wasn't British, but Penny couldn't place it. "I completely forgot that I was supposed to be leaving for the train... I... My old school started, like, a week later than yours..."

Becky frowned. "This still does not explain the bottle of ketchup and lack of hot dog."

"Well, a wizard grabbed me by the shoulders and apparated to the station, nearly killing me." She shuddered. "Oh, but the train had left already, so... He told me to run with him. The whole time I'm freaking out, like, who the hell is this guy?"

Penny and Becky exchanged glances.

"Anyways, while I'm running, I notice that I totally forgot my hot dog, but I was still holding the cart guy's ketchup bottle! I was, like, so so _so_ angry. And then the wizard guy is like, 'I'm your uncle!' and I'm like, 'Why didn't you tell me sooner!' and once we were close enough, he apparated onto the train with me..."

Becky frowned again. "You can do that? I didn't think it was possible, because it would put students at risk or something."

"Well, he had the train guy's permission - he sent him a message with his wand or something - and, like, the train guy dropped the spell protecting apparitions into the train. Cool, huh?" The redhead smiled proudly.

Observing the red stains on her cropped jeans, Penny sighed. "We'd better change into our robes, then. I'm Penny Trimble, this is Becky Curd. We're both sixth years in Gryffindor."

"Patsy Wilkins. I'm a sixth year, too, but I don't know my house. I, like, transferred from Canada." The girl stared down at her clothes. "My suitcase and stuff is being sent directly to the school. There's nothing for me to change into." She pouted. "This sucks."

"Transferred from Canada?" Becky piped up. "Wacko! What's it like there? I heard a little about the Canadian school. It's pretty small, right? What house were you in?"

For a split second, the redhead seemed stunned that someone could talk as quickly as she could. And then... "Yes! It's really amazing! The weather is a lot like your country, I guess, and, like, the school isn't that small... We just don't have as many witches and wizards as you guys do! Oh, and, like, I was in the Orange House, and we had to wear these uniforms of that colour, and I'll bet you can imagine what that looked like with my orangey coloured hair! Can I say '_totally_ gross'?" There was a little bit more to her outburst, but Penny didn't quite catch it.

"Orange House, huh?" Penny said pensively. "How many colours of houses were there? Was it like a rainbow? Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple?"

"Nope," Patsy began, "but there was orange, green, purple, and black!"

Becky grinned. "I remember this! Penny, the orange house is like Gryffindor, the green like Hufflepuff, the purple like Ravenclaw-"

"And the black like Slytherin," the brunette finished. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Gryffindor?" Patsy squeaked. "So, like, I'll be in your house?!"

Amid the redhead's excited squabbling, Penny locked the door to their compartment and began to change into her uniform. Becky followed suit, and then the two witches tried their best to get the ketchup stains off of Patsy's clothing. They faded slightly, and in the dark of the Great Hall, no one would see them.

Chocolate seemed to quiet the redhead down. "I saw the cutest boy today," she whispered conspiratorially. "He had the nicest colour of hair... Like, light blonde with a hint of red going on?"

"Strawberry blonde," Penny murmured. She thought of the boy she'd met earlier that day. Gilbert Malfoy. Where had she heard that name before?

Becky fingered her pleated skirt. "I wound up in a compartment with three Slytherin boys, and one of them had strawberry blonde hair. He was kind of cute," she decided. "They were such bastards, though."

_Gilbert didn't seem like a bastard. This must be a different Slytherin boy_, Penny mused.

Before Penny could talk about the boy she'd met, Patsy leapt up in her seat and pointed out of the window. "Oh my God," she squealed. "Is that your school? It is just so big! And, like, gorgeous! I love the old fashioned look! Wow! Sweet!"

Becky laughed. "Yep, that's Hogwarts. So much better than Boarwilds, don't you think?"

Penny was quick to agree.

*****

Headmistress McGonagall peered out the window in her study. It had started raining, but the train could still be seen chugging slowly in the distance. She smiled.

_Something wicked this way comes..._

_**A/N: I'll be heading off on a magical journey (not) of my own tomorrow, so I shan't be putting up a new chapter any time soon. In the meantime, if you see any spelling/grammatical mistakes or something that simply makes no sense, be sure to tell me! I can't let it go unfixed! Thank you, dearies!**_


	3. The Surprise

**_Summary: Rebecca Curd, Penelope Trimble, and many others are returning to Hogwarts. But what's this? A new school for witches and wizards has sprung up in Britain? Yes. Boarwilds aims to absorb Hogwarts, and already students are transferring. But proud students like Rebecca and Penelope aren't letting Hogwarts die so easily. With a new headmaster – sorry_**, **headmistress_, as well as a batch of new professors that range from awfully strict to seriously deluded, they're ready to do battle. Raging hormones and reawakened prejudices only add to the madness!_**

**_I do not own any part of Hogwarts/Harry Potter – that's all thanks to J.K. Rowling, of course. Lucky woman!_ **

**Chapter Three**

The Surprise

Rain pounded against the windows, making conversation inside the compartment difficult. Isadora Wilberforce had even been so foolish as to poke her head outside and try to see Hogwarts in the distance. All she had succeeded in was soaking herself from the top of her head to her shoulders. The bright yellow of her Hufflepuff scarf looked dull and mustardy when wet.

Her twin brother, Ninian, watched her shriek with laughter as she dripped ice cold rain water down her boyfriend's neck. Ninian didn't see her as often as one might expect.

The same day she had been sorted into Hufflepuff, the Sorting Hat sent him to the Ravenclaw table. He remembered the way she had walked triumphantly to the table of cheering Hufflepuffs and turned to smile at him as he placed the Hat on his head. When the Hat cried out, "_Ravenclaw!_" her face fell. It had broken his heart.

Isadora noticed him watching her and ceased the torturing of her boyfriend. "Ninny? Is something wrong?"

"N- nothing," he stuttered. "I'm just... deep in thought."

She instantly turned away and challenged her partner to a pumpkin juice drinking contest as soon as they reached the Great Hall. Unlike her brother, her boyfriend was a Hufflepuff, so they had the luxury of sitting next to each other.

Ninian stood and eased the compartment door open. "I'm just going to visit the loo quickly," he informed the others. "I wouldn't want to be squirming in my trousers during McGonagall's big speech!"

Isadora rolled her eyes, and her sarcastic comments followed him down the corridor. There was line-up outside of the little lads' room, and the student at the back of the line smirked.

"Ninian, I don't believe I've see you for a long time. Too long, my friend," Gilbert Malfoy sneered. "Oh, except for that chance meeting at the Twisted Knickers concert. Sorry about your hat, mate. I've no idea what came over Hydra."

Ninian remembered Malfoy's cat well, but the memories were far from fond. "Ah. How is the little she-devil?"

"She had a rough morning... We crashed into some Gryffindor bint's trolley just outside of the platform." Gilbert looked thoughtful. "The girl was pretty, though. For a bint, that is."

It was finally the Slytherin boy's turn at the bathroom. "Very well, Ninny. See you in class," Gilbert yawned, shutting the door in Ninian's face.

To pass the time, Ninian counted the compartment doors. He could see seven to the left before they started blurring together in the distance, and there were four to his right, interrupted by a wall.

A _click_ from behind him intruded on his musings. "All clear," Gilbert announced with a dark grin. "Anyway, do you want me to hold your wand for you? Mine's safe in my compartment, and there's nowhere in the loo for you to set it down."

The Ravenclaw lad paused. He didn't trust Malfoy, but then, what was the harm? The boy would just get in trouble if he stole it. "Sure," he replied cautiously, handing it over.

"It's right here, in m'pocket," Gilbert assured him. "I'll be in compartment number nine when you're done."

With a sigh, Ninian entered the loo and sat. He watched the trees passing by the small, circular window above the basin. When he was finished, he stood and reached for the loo paper roll. It was empty.

"There's got to be more in here somewhere," he groaned. He opened the cupboard below the basin. Nothing. That's when he noticed the sign:

If you run out of loo paper, tap the

empty roll with your wand and say,

"_Refero!_"

Furious, he pulled up his Y-fronts and thrust the door open. "Malfoy! _You bas-!_"

A pair of wide, hazel eyes stared back at him. "Oh! I'm terribly sorry!" the girl squeaked. "It's just... The train is about to stop. I was just going to warn you."

There was something strange about the way she had her neck positioned. Ninian suddenly realised she was doing her best to avert her eyes from his Y-fronts. "No! I'm the sorry one!" he insisted, hastily pulling up his trousers. "I didn't mean to yell in your face. A boy just pranked me, and..."

She giggled, her golden tresses bouncing. "The ol' empty-roll-no-wand prank? You fell for _that_? You almost deserve it, being so dim."

"Can you help me?" Ninian begged.

The girl beamed. "Of course. I haven't got my wand, but..." She ducked into the girls' loo and returned with a roll. "You can borrow some of this one."

Thanking her profusely, he grabbed a handful and then returned to his toilet, shutting the door. "I'm such an idiot," Ninian moaned. "And Ravenclaws are supposed to be clever. Witty, too. I didn't say a single witty thing to her, nor did I get her name. How in the name of Merlin's loo paper am I to get a girlfriend at this rate?"

*****

Timothy Rean and Jeremy Mude had never thought to put on rain cloaks before exiting the train, and now the both of them were soaked straight through to their skin.

"Honestly, you two," Gilbert Malfoy sighed. "If your trouser snakes weren't attached to your bodies, you'd leave 'em at 'ome." This brought on a round of snickers from the other Slytherins walking with them.

Rean chewed noisily on a dampened sandwich. "So, d'you reckon my brother'll be a Slytherin?"

"Uh, yeah," Mude agreed slowly. "Yeah. 'Cause... 'cause he's your brother. And... and families usually follow... They follow each other."

Gilbert rolled his eyes and climbed into one of the horseless carriages waiting for students. "I don't know what would be more painful, Mude. Listening to you for an hour, or being burnt alive."

Mude flushed scarlet and looked up at the school. Eager to change the subject, he asked, "Hey, do you think that blonde girl was... was nice?"

"That's too vague," Gilbert yawned. "'Nice' as in she'll bake your grandmother a pie, or 'nice' as in she'll give you a right ol' shag that'll leave you grinnin' for days?"

Mude seemed confused by the question and fell silent.

"She was in my Care of Magical Creatures class in fourth year, among others," Rean piped up. "When we were looking for Glumbumbles in the gardens, she'd bend over and sometimes the wind would pick up and her skirt would flip up a little, an'..." He grinned lazily.

Gilbert laughed. "You are a sick man, my friend. Never change." The carriage had reached the school, and the three of them clambered out with the other Slytherins. "That reminds me. Remember me telling you 'bout that girl I crashed into outside of the platform? When she fell over, I could see her knickers. Nice rump on that 'un."

"You know who has a nice arse?" Mude added, not to be outdone. "The Potter girl."

"Really?" Gilbert was surprised. "Potter's kid? Then her bottom shall be known as 'The Arse That Lived.'"

They had entered the school and were now stepping into the Great Hall. The ceiling mirrored the sky, as usual, and seemed almost to rain on the staff and students.

The Slytherin boys settled at their table and made no further comments on rumps, arses, or knickers during the Sorting. However, when the staff introduced transfer students who, despite being past their first years, were to be sorted, they perked up once more.

Gilbert's gaze focused on a sixth year from Mapleward in Canada. While most of the sorted nervously accepted the Hat, she giggled and practically yanked it out of the professor's hands before placing it gently on her head like a tiara.

"Come on..." Rean murmured. "Slytherin! You can do it, you stupid Hat. Slytherin!"

The Sorting Hat muttered to itself for a while for finally exclaiming, "_Gryffindor!_"

Mude and Rean snapped their fingers in disappointment, shaking their heads sadly. Gilbert's gaze, however, followed the new Gryffindor girl with his eyes, liking the way the candles gave her red hair a golden sheen.

With a start, he noticed her sit down excitedly with not only the golden haired girl, but the brunette from before as well. What was her name? Ah - Penelope!

"Hey, Rean," Gilbert whispered.

The dark haired boy put his devouring of a leg of mutton on hold. "Yeah?"

"What'd you say the blonde's name was?"

Rean frowned. "I didn't. Let me think... It ends with an 'ah' sound... Patricia? Nah. Cassandra? Nope. I think she had a nickname that ended with a 'y' too..."

As the boy proceeded to mutter to himself, Gilbert quickly waved him away. "Never mind, never mind. I was just curious."

"I almost got it! Really!" Rean insisted. "Luna... Laura... Sarah..."

Mude leaned in front of his friend and said, "The blonde from before? She said her name was... uh... Becky. I remember."

Rean stared at him incredulously. "That's right! Becky - Rebecca Curd! How did you remember that? We haven't seen her for years!"

Red in the face yet again, Mude mumbled. "I, uh, ran into her on a beach this summer. Seriously. I may even have pretended to be... a wizard from Durmstrang struggling to learn English."

Gilbert smirked. "I'll bet that wasn't difficult."

"Oh, sod you!" Mude grumbled, but couldn't help join in the laughter.

*****

Patsy beamed at Penny and Becky. "Ooh, I'm a Gryffindor! A Gryffindor! Just like you predicted. And I'm with you two! I am so happy! I was all afraid I was going to end up with those creepy Slytherin kids!"

Penny laughed. "Lassie, there is _no way_ you could be a Slytherin."

"I should say not!" Becky agreed. "You're far too cheery! Slytherin is full of demonic tarts, and as for the blokes... Well, they're just plain horrid."

"I'm gonna try my best to fit in here," Patsy announced. "This will involve learning all of your Britishy sayings and stuff. I am assuming tarts are like skanks, and blokes are boys?"

Becky and Penny exchanged glances. "Uh... Blokes are boys, yes. I've never heard the word 'skank' though," Penny admitted.

Patsy laughed. _These girls are so nice. I can't wait to hang out with them all year!_ "A skank is a girl who dresses to get attention from boys. Short skirts, tight tops or shirts that expose a whole lotta cleavage - y'know."

Becky laughed. "Yep. That's a tart for sure."

Headmistress McGonagall cleared her throat. "Alright students, I have a surprise for you. This year, it is time for..." She grinned. "The Triwizard Tournament to be held at Hogwarts!"

Patsy turned to the other girls, her eyes wide. "What precisely does she mean by that?"

Before either could answer, the doors burst open, and a large group of girls in blue dresses and hats bounded in the doors, twirling gracefully and releasing clouds of sparkling dust into the air. They were followed by a monstrously tall woman in a fur coat.

"Here are the Beauxbatons girls," McGonagall announced. "Welcome to Hogwarts."

The girls curtsied beautifully, as did the giantess. But before anyone could continue, the doors burst open again, and a whole pack of boys wearing dark uniforms and carrying flaming sticks stormed in, stomping their feet and twirling their sticks.

Patsy was terrified. "Oh... my stars, who are those people?"

"The girls come from the French school," Penny whispered.

Becky leaned in and added, "And the boys are Bulgarians, from Durmstrang."

The headmistress explained the Tournament to the newcomers, and then added, "The Goblet will be set up tomorrow, in the dueling room. You must be seventeen."

And thus ended the assembly.

And thus began Patsy's schooling at Hogwarts.

**_A/N: Tee hee, the Slytherin boys are such sleaze balls. And of course I couldn't resist throwing the Triwizard Tournament in there. Yes, I realize the Durmstrang and Beauxbatons students arrived a lot earlier than they did in _The Goblet of Fire_, but bear with me! Oh, and I had fun making up spells… _Refero_ means 'restore' in Latin. Lastly, for anyone unfamiliar with the slang word 'bint,' it has a lot of different meanings – but in this case, it is used an insulting word for a girl._**


	4. A Piggish Proposal

**_Summary: Rebecca Curd, Penelope Trimble, and many others are returning to Hogwarts. But what's this? A new school for witches and wizards has sprung up in Britain? Yes. Boarwilds aims to absorb Hogwarts, and already students are transferring. But proud students like Rebecca and Penelope aren't letting Hogwarts die so easily. With a new headmaster – sorry, _headmistress_, as well as a batch of new professors that range from awfully strict to seriously deluded, they're ready to do battle. Raging hormones and reawakened prejudices only add to the madness!_**

_**I do not own any part of Hogwarts/Harry Potter – that's all thanks to J.K. Rowling, of course. Lucky woman! I also do not own anything regarding the Confessions of Georgia Nicolson. That belongs to Louise Rennison.**_

**Chapter 4**

A Piggish Proposal

_The newcomer shut the door to the headmistress's office, casting several muffling spells as well as building an eavesdropper snare. When this was finished, he turned to the austere woman and bowed. "Minerva," he breathed._

_The headmistress leaned forward, setting down the letter she'd been reading. "Ah. What brings you to our humble abode, Everley?" She hoped he could detect the sarcasm in her voice. The headmaster of Boarwilds, Everley Allcock, certainly did think of Hogwarts as a humble institution, far inferior to his new school._

_Whether or not he registered her tone was unclear. He simply smiled and settled into a chair without invitation. "I see you are hosting the Triwizard this year."_

_"That is correct," Minerva agreed, glancing at her letter._

_Everley frowned. "Well, I have a proposal to make."_

_"Have you?"_

_"Yes," he continued. "We shall change its name to the 'Quadrawizard Tournament' and Boarwilds will join you in the compet-"_

_"Absolutely out of the question!" Minerva snapped, rising out of her seat. "The Triwizard Tournament has included only the three schools in its entire history! To go against tradition would be like a slap in the faces of our forefathers! Do you realise what you are suggesting, you ignorant pig? I will not stand back while you trample our past! You really are like a boar! You simply plow your way to your piggish desires!"_

_Everley threw back his head and laughed. "My word, Minerva! You really do have a temper on you. But listen here, sweetie, I already have the approval of one of the schools!"_

_"Durmstrang..." the headmistress hissed. _Sweetie? Who does he think he is?

_The headmaster nodded. "He likes a challenge, that Boris does." Boris Topanov was the competitive headmaster of the Bulgarian school._

_Minerva slid away from her desk and approached the window. "Well, you'll never get Olympe to agree," she replied firmly. "She lives for tradition, as you well know. Also, you will never have my consent." Her fiery gaze oriented on the younger man. "You have been warned."_

_Before Everley could argue, the chair he sat in launched him onto the floor. The muffling spells died away, and the snare vanished. "This won't be the last you'll hear from me, McGonagall!" he spat. He raised his wand, intentions unknown._

_Minerva's heart leapt into her throat. _Merlin - oh, Merlin! Is this how I will die? By the hand of this complete imbecile? Or does he simply mean to humiliate me?

_She never knew, for at this point, a house elf leapt out of a small door. "_Stupefy!_" she hollered, stumbling over her dress but completing the spell. As the man dropped, the elf looked up at her mistress with her enormous eyes. "Did Doily do well? Did Doily do as her mistress wanted?"_

_"Yes, yes, of course," Minerva said hastily. Ensuring there weren't any blunt objects within Doily's reach for her to punish herself with, she insisted the elf go back into her room._

_Standing next to Allcock's limp form, she smiled. "You have been warned," she repeated._

*****

"Oh, dear," Becky moaned. "I've completely forgotten the password."

Penny groaned. "Really, Becks! The prefects told it to you, and when they were about to tell us, you just _had_ to say, 'Oh, no, I'll tell it to them on the way - we've got unpacking to do!' What in the name of Merlin's partially moth-eaten stockings were you thinking?"

Becky blushed. "Well, my mother set this timer on my trunk, and, well... I really ought to get to it quickly."

Patsy stared at the portrait. "Hello, Fat Lady!" she said brightly. "I'm new here. So, like, how do we enter you?"

A snort of laughter to their right announced the arrival of a familiar face. "I'm not sure you're the right person to be asking her that question, Ginger," drawled the strawberry blonde Slytherin.

While Becky and Penny laughed, Patsy stared at him with confusion. "Huh?"

"Hello, Gilbert," Penny said brightly. "What brings you up to the Gryffindor common room? Aren't you supposed to be heading down to the dungeons?"

He laughed again. "Oi, Penelope. You make me sound like a criminal." He looked over Penny's shoulder, where Becky stood with Patsy. "You must be Rebecca, then, but I didn't quite catch Ginger's name at the Sorting."

Becky seemed alarmed that he knew her name, and Patsy blushed furiously.

"This is Patsy," Penny informed him, coming to her blushing friend's rescue. "She came all the way from Canada. The poor thing was terrified by the rash Bulgarians."

Gilbert grinned. "The bulging Bulgarians," he murmured. Then, seeing Penny's horrified expression, he added quickly, "Disregard that! I came up here to ask you lovely ladies a question! My dearest friends, Mude and Rean, shall be along any minute now... Ah!"

Two boys with dark hair strolled into view. Becky immediately brightened. "Dimitar! I didn't see you in the Durmstrang crowd! And why are you wearing a Slytherin uniform?"

"Transfer," the boy said gruffly, while the other two Slytherins snickered.

Becky blinked. "Oh! I remember seeing you with, uh, Gilbert and this other friend of yours earlier! On the Hogwarts Express. I... I'm surprised I didn't recognise you...."

"Hair... new?" the boy suggested.

_Becky knows a boy who attended Durmstrang? I wonder when they met..._ Penny thought to herself. _And wait a second... Didn't Becky say she ran into a strawberry blonde Slytherin who was rude to her? I thought she didn't mean Gilbert, but..._ She swallowed. _This seems like a big coincidence._

"What's your question, anyway?" Patsy piped up.

Gilbert glanced at Penny and cleared his throat. "Our housemaster, Armsby, told us something today. Something that happened yesterday to McGonagall."

Penny felt her eyes grow large. "Oh! Nothing serious, I hope?"

"You saw her today. She's fine," Gilbert pointed out. "But the headmaster of Boarwilds threatened her with his wand. If it hadn't been for her house elf, who knows what would have happened? Anyway, the Boarwilds bloke wanted to turn the Triwizard into a Quadrawizard. He's already got the Durmstrang bloke's permission!" He glanced at his fellow Slytherins. "As much as we despise Gryffindor, we can't let bloody Boarwilds take over. What do you say to joining forces?"

Becky's jaw nearly plummeted to the ground. "What? Join forces... with _you_? Have you gone mad?"

"You... like... Boarwilds?" Dimitar struggled to ask.

"N- no," Becky replied hastily. "It's just... You've never been very polite to me, Rean, and as for_ you_, G- Gilbert, you weren't very polite to me today. It makes one wonder why you'd want _us_ for your little rebellion."

Penny watched as Gilbert turned an interesting shade of red, one that was probably yet to be named. "I suppose 'the three of you are pretty' isn't a good enough answer?" he hissed. "Very well. I'll think of one - for now, just continue hating Boarwilds. I mean, honestly! They stole our idea of winged boars on the gates!" With that, he turned and spun on his heel, marching down the staircase. "Come on, Rean and Mu- I mean, _Dimitar_... Quick, before the stairs change places."

The two boys scurried after him, leaving the girls alone. "Merlin's loafers," Becky breathed. "That was bizarre." Then her eyes widened. "_My trunk!_"

*****

Another Gryffindor had appeared and mumbled the password ("Mango Cake!"), and the girls rushed in after him. Becky sped to the girls' dormitory, leaving Penny and Patsy far behind her. _Oh, oh, oh... If it explodes, I shall be dreadfully embarrassed... What time is it, exactly? Mum set it for nine sharp..._

She wrenched the door open and strode quickly to where she could see her trunk sitting on a bed. When she was about five paces away, however, a loud _ka-bloom!_ stopped her in her tracks. Something lacy and no doubt scandalous flew into her face. "No!" she cried.

Peeling the brassiere off of her forehead, she realised things were not as they seemed. For one, her trunk was still shut. For another, the bra in her hands was at least one cup size too small.

"Oh, dear," Penny sighed, approaching _her_ trunk. "Why did I get Mum to set it for eight fifty?"

Becky burst into startled laughter. "You had your belongings shrunk, too?" she asked, quickly opening her trunk and removing the tiny books. "I packed way too many books to fit in this old thing."

Patsy stared at the mess. "Why are there so many books? You're gonna be, like, _way_ too busy with homework to read all of _that_!"

"Try me," Becky and Penny said in unison, turning to each other and giggling.

Looking at the books cluttering the bed beside hers - _Yay! I'm sleeping next to Penny!_ - Becky gave a start. "What's this? You packed the entire _Confessions of Georgia Nicolson_ series as well?"

Penny looked up, amazed. "Golly gee. Are we... Are we twin souls or something?"

_None of my old friends read this series... Ha! And Mum said it was a waste to bring these books! I told her they'd help me find a bosom friend!_ "I don't know... What is your patronus?"

Patsy frowned. "Patronus?"

"Ah, you never learned it. Hogwarts is always in danger of Dementors, so we learn it in our third year at the latest. I'll show you." Penny stood and brandished her wand. "_Expecto patro-_!"

"_All students to bed! It is now nine o'clock, and we want you to get an early rest tonight._" McGonagall's voice was heard all over the school, but it sounded as though she was in the room.

The lanterns immediately blew out.

"Rotten luck," said Penny mischievously. "Guess I'll have to show you another day."

Becky and Patsy pummelled the brunette with pillows, and then the three of them beamed at each other. "Guess we'd better be in bed, then," Becky sighed. She dug out her pyjamas and changed into them, luxuriating in the soft flannel.

Together they wriggled under their covers. Patsy's bed was across from Penny's. "Your dormitory is, like, certainly larger than the one at Mapleward," she murmured.

"It's not only _our_ dormitory." Penny's voice seemed to come from all around in the dark. "It's your dormitory now, too."

"Hey, you're right! I'm officially your schoolmate! Like, wow."

Silence descended on the girls, leaving Becky to her thoughts. _I love these girls. I really do._

_**A/N: (I had so much difficulty typing that… I kept typing "A/G" instead. Author's Goat?) Anyways, to anyone who has not read the **_**Confessions of Georgia Nicolson**_** series, I promise I won't fill my fanfic with references. Only one here and there. I simply cannot resist. Tee hee, silly Mude. How long will he keep up his Dimitar routine? Becky **_**is**_** sometimes quite thick… It may take her a while to figure it out.**_


	5. Queing Up the Quadrawizard

**_Summary: Rebecca Curd, Penelope Trimble, and many others are returning to Hogwarts. But what's this? A new school for witches and wizards has sprung up in Britain? Yes. Boarwilds aims to absorb Hogwarts, and already students are transferring. But proud students like Rebecca and Penelope aren't letting Hogwarts die so easily. With a new headmaster – sorry_**, **headmistress_, as well as a batch of new professors that range from awfully strict to seriously deluded, they're ready to do battle. Raging hormones and reawakened prejudices only add to the madness!_**

_**I do not own any part of Hogwarts/Harry Potter – that's all thanks to J.K. Rowling, of course. Lucky woman!**_

_**Oh, and in honour of my dearest cousin, Crystal Cayden, who also edits some of my work, I have included some foolish lines for her amusement in the first scene of this chapter. Watch for my comments in square brackets.**_

_**Warning: There is some bad language later in this chapter, though it may be the last time I use it. (except for the occasional "bastard") **_

**Chapter Five**

Queing up the Quadrawizard

Having ridded himself of his pack of Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff friends, Roderick seized his chance to find his sister. Rebecca knew her presence embarrassed him when he was around his chums, and the two avoided each other for most of the school year. But her only two friends turned out to be disloyal twits and transferred to Boarwilds. He feared she might be feeling awfully lonely.

You can imagine his surprise when he found her walking with two unfamiliar girls and chatting amiably.

"Becky!" he called, quickening his pace. His long legs carried him to her side in an instant.

One of the girls, a remarkably pretty lass with startlingly green eyes, regarded him quizzically. [_Guess who!_]

"This is my brother, Roderick," Becky explained hurriedly. "Ricky, meet Penelope Trimble -" She gestured at the green-eyed goddess. "- and Patsy Wilkins." The other girl with the sky blue eyes was attractive as well, but her face could not compare with the one framing the emerald irises. [_LMAO – lame, but I couldn't resist throwing that in there_]

With a grin, he made an exaggerated bow and even kissed their hands. "Charmed," he murmured, holding Penelope's gaze for a moment longer. [_Familiar, cousin?_]

Becky turned to her friends. "Listen, I'll catch up with you two later. Library, right?" The other two girls nodded and then rushed away, giggling - no doubt about Roderick's good looks. "Roderick William Lucian Curd."

With a gulp, Roderick stopped gazing after the two girls and fixed his eyes on his sister. She only used his full name when she was about to scold him.

"I saw the way you looked at Penny," she continued. "Don't you dare try any of your little moves on _her_, mister! Remember the time you flirted with Genevieve and then broke her heart? It took a whole month for her to speak to me again! And Marie... She ignored me for a year almost! And while I'm ranting -" She drew herself to her full height (though she was still a head shorter than her brother). "- Don't you dare put your name in the Goblet of Fire! I know you are sorely tempted, but-"

He clamped a hand over her mouth. _I'd almost forgotten she could talk so much._ "Becky. Rebecca. Calm down. I promise to leave Penelope and Patsy alone, and as for the Goblet, I was just being cocky when I was talking about putting my name into the blasted thing. You'd have to completely loopy to put your name in there! Or... confident of your abilities."

His sister relaxed. "Very well, then. How was your first day?" She fingered the strange hat on her head, which Roderick had only just noticed was there. She had pulled her hair up inside it, making her look as though she could be bald.

"What's that?" he asked, jabbing the hat with his finger.

Before she could answer him, a boy strolled up in Slytherin robes. "Ah. I was looking for you. Get Penelope and... and Ginger and meet us in the gardens. We've got news." He then noticed Roderick standing there and shot him a look of contempt. "What are you looking at, Gryffindor? This is between the bint and me. Bugger off."

_How _dare_ he talk to my sister that way? And she seems to tolerate it. Who is this Slytherin kid, anyway?_ "My _sister_ and I were just speaking to one another. You'd be best to 'bugger off,' as you so eloquently put it, instead."

The Slytherin glared at him before loping away on his own long legs.

Roderick whirled on his sister, hoping she could see the fury in his eyes. "_Rebecca_! What were you doing talking to a Slytherin, and a rude one at that?"

Becky raised her brows. "_You're_ just jealous because _he's_ a natural blonde."

It was true. Being the only one in the family who did not inherit the Curd family's golden locks but instead a mousy brown mop, Roderick was forced to magically dye his hair. The mousiness simply did not suit his handsome face. "Give it a rest, will you? And tell me, what's with the hat?"

"Um... It's for Herbology," she mumbled. Roderick could see the lie written on her face. "Sprout wants us to try this magical fertiliser on our hair."

"Pull the other one." With one quick movement, the boy tugged the hat from her head, releasing her hair - which was now a rather becoming shade of violet. "Merlin's paunch!" Roderick hollered. "What have you done to yourself _now_?"

Becky flushed. "What? You dye your hair magically as well!"

"Yes, but it's never been quite so..." He fingered a strand. "...this."

"Piss off," Becky snapped. "I messed up my enchanted conditioner in Potions, if you must know. Anyway, I'm going to find my friends. It was good speaking with you, Brother." She began to walk away from him, but turned once she got a few paces between them and secured her hair back inside the hat. "And remember: Leave. Penny. Alone."

*****

"Gilby-wilby!"

The squeal could be heard from a great distance. Some time passed before the speaker came into view, and even then she was a blur. When at last she was close enough for features to be distinguishable - silvery blonde hair, silvery blue eyes, silver and green tie - she broke out into another burst of sound. "Didn't you get my letters?"

Malfoy sighed, draping his arm across his girlfriend's shoulders. "Nah, Lori. I thought you'd forgotten me. I sent a couple of my own asking for you - I guess mine didn't reach you, either?" A lie, of course. Anything to keep Lori Thornton, the reigning Slytherin female, and her powerful family close.

His girlfriend gasped. "Oh, confound those bloody owls! Can't they do anything right?" She shook her long hair and pouted. "Are you _really_ inviting those Gryffindor girls into the anti-Boarwilds thing you're setting up?"

Gilbert nodded. "They're just what we need: three pretty girls - to tempt the Boarwilds blokes - with their wits about them - to manipulate the blokes to our will. They're so innocent and polite in reality, so they won't have to act. And the Ginger from Mapleward is sure to intrigue the Boarwilds students - or at least amuse them as she struggles to grasp our language."

"You called them pretty," Lori whined.

"Oh, don't you worry," Gilbert murmured, planting a kiss on her forehead. "Lori Thornton - and Lori Thornton alone - is the one I need."

"I'm glad to hear it," she whispered with a giggle.

"Look, here come Mude and Rean now. Let's go meet them," he announced, tugging her along with him. _The one I need, but not the one I want._

The two Slytherin boys had the Gryffindor girls with them. Mude was still pretending to be Dimitar the Bulgarian, and had his arm around the blonde one - Rebecca. As Gilbert approached them, Rebecca glanced up and scowled at the girl in his arms.

"Oi, cheesy knickers!" Lori sneered at her.

Rebecca looked confused. "Cheesy..?"

"Your surname is Curd," Lori explained, as if speaking to a confunded person, "like a cheese curd." Then, she laughed in an almost maniacal fashion.

"That's hilarious," Rean commented. He was even serious.

Penelope rolled her eyes. "Lori, your wit astounds me. However did you win the heart of this... delightful creature, Gilbert?"

When Gilbert laughed - he honestly couldn't help it - Lori gaped up at him. "Gilby, she's teasing me! Why do you laugh at her joke and not mine?"

This called for some quick thinking. "Well," he began. "Your clever little quip made me smile, and I was just chuckling at her feeble attempt to anger you."

"Feeble?" Rebecca retorted. "Tarty Miss Thornton looked awfully angry to me."

"_What did you call me?_" Before anyone could intervene, Lori untangled herself from Gilbert and flung herself at the Gryffindor. The two girls erupted in a flurry of blonde hair and shapely calves.

While Mude and Rean guffawed over the sudden appearance of Lori's itsy bitsy knickers (her skirt was rather brief), Gilbert noticed that Rebecca wore brightly coloured stockings with the rest of her dark uniform. They were lime green and featured little pigs all over them. It was so childish and cheerful, he had to grin.

"Y'know, this is starting to get, like, a little violent..." Ginger piped up.

Penelope glanced at the three boys. "Don't just stand there!" With Ginger, she wrenched Lori off of Rebecca, and held her back while the Slytherin kicked and screamed and struggled to reach the Gryffindor girl once more.

Gilbert glanced at Rebecca and started. In the fight, her ugly hat had been ripped from her head, revealing luscious tresses of the violet persuasion. If he hadn't known her as a blonde, he would have found the effect rather pretty, but as it was the colour looked wrong. "Good grief. When did _this _happen?"

"Potions," she muttered, picking herself from the ground.

Gilbert grabbed Lori and she eventually calmed down. _Merlin's lederhosen, this girl is completely mental. _"Anyway, what I wanted to tell you is that, for whatever reason, Madam Maxime - you know, the giantess headmistress from Beauxbatons? - has accepted Allcock's proposal."

Ginger gasped, and then stopped herself and looked at her friends. "That's bad, right?"

"Yes, by Merlin's unsightly nose hairs, yes!" Penelope wailed. "Now Allcock is victorious, right? Two votes beat McGonagall!"

"Whatever is Maxime thinking?" Rebecca wondered aloud.

Mude put his chubby hands on her shoulders. "Do not be worried," he began, glancing at Gilbert nervously. "Allcock... must have all votes... before he is winning."

Penelope beamed at him. "Excellent! And McGonagall will not waver! We're safe."

Lori shook her boyfriend off and folded her arms across her chest. "What I don't understand is what you're all on about. What's so bad about Boarwilds, anyway? It's just a school. Everley Allcock happens to be a friend of my family."

"Well, if you like him so much, what are you doing in this group discussion? Begone!" Rebecca stepped forward and lightly cuffed her on the shoulder.

Ginger grinned. "Yes, don't you have something else you can do, _Slut_herin?"

Everyone stared at her, impressed. Everyone, of course, besides Lori. "What? _What_? Alright, those are most definitely the last words that'll ever come out of your foul mouth, Gryffin_whore_!" Once more, she attempted to lunge.

"I think we'd best be off," Gilbert said quickly, employing the aid of his friends to contain his girlfriend.

"Y- you'd bet- better," Penelope stammered, looking from Lori to the Ginger in awe.

Rebecca tucked her hair back inside the ugly hat. "Good day to you, Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Rean. As for you, Dimitar..." She leaned in and embraced him. "I do hope to see you again."

As the Gryffindor girls strolled off, Lori glared at Gilbert. "Really, Gilbsie. Those girls are positively crude." Ironic.

He frowned down at her. "Allcock is really a family friend of yours?"

"Why, yes! He always gives me a chocolate frog or two when he visits. I'm not much of a chocolate lover, but I did complete my card collection. In fact, I might transfer to Boarwilds. You'll come with me, right?" She tried her twinkly eyes, but Gilbert ignored them.

"But my brother... my father... my mother... They all went to Hogwarts," he pointed out. "I won't betray it. Please be nicer to those three girls, alright?"

"They insulted me, and you did nothing!" Lori scowled. "If you aren't careful, Gilby, you might lose me."

_About time_, Gilbert thought with a smile. _No, not yet. I still need her._

*****

Something crashed against the door, and Minerva nearly leapt out of her seat. "Doily, get the door, please," she asked evenly, disguising the way her lips quivered. _Oh, Olympe. Whatever are you thinking?_

The house elf scurried out of her room and thrust the door to the office open. There was no-one there. "Hello?" she squeaked, peering out into the dark corridor. Then... "Eek! Oh, mistress..!" Racing to Minerva's desk, she nearly banged her head on the hard wooden surface. "Look out!"

A dark shape loomed out of the darkness. Minerva gasped as it came into view. It was one of the iron winged boars that usually rested on the gates. But right now, it was very much alive.

It made an unearthly squealing noise and burst into flame; Doily had blasted it with some sort of spell. But it was too late. Minerva had been successfully threatened. Grabbing a piece of paper, she scrawled a hasty note and bade Doily hand it to her owl.

_Ever the Cock -_

_I don't know what else you intend to do to get your way, but I will not have any more of this. Bring your seventh years, and I shall introduce the Quadrawizard tournament to my students. You may have got your way, but where is your pride? Terrifying a wizened old lady? Really. Don't expect many of my students to take too well to this. So far, only Miss Thornton seems to be on your side._

_Signed, headmistress of a school one thousand times better than yours will ever be._

_P.S. You have been warned._

_**A/N: Gah, there are parts of this that seemed to drag on, but I couldn't figure out what to remove… Thus, this chapter is a bit longer than the others. Anyway, good grief, Patsy and Lori got nasty there! I couldn't resist throwing the house swears in there… I had a dream in which all of the Hogwarts girls were insulting each other and I only remember those two words. Anyways, more madness is on the way!**_


	6. A Tangled 'Webb'

_**Summary: Rebecca Curd, Penelope Trimble, and many others are returning to Hogwarts. But what's this? A new school for witches and wizards has sprung up in Britain? Yes. Boarwilds aims to absorb Hogwarts, and already students are transferring. But proud students like Rebecca and Penelope aren't letting Hogwarts die so easily. With a new headmaster – sorry**_**, headmistress**_**, as well as a batch of new professors that range from awfully strict to seriously deluded, they're ready to do battle. Raging hormones and reawakened prejudices only add to the madness!**_

_**I do not own any part of Hogwarts/Harry Potter – that's all thanks to J.K. Rowling, of course. Lucky woman!**_

**Chapter Six**

A Tangled 'Webb'

"Ninian! I have to go to class now. Give it back!" Isadora whined, grabbing at her book bag. Her brother, who held the bag, was taller than her, despite them being twins.

He grinned. "Too bad you keep your wand in here. Otherwise, you could just say-"

"_Accio _book bag!" a soft voice said behind him. The bag was jerked out of his hand, and it flew to the hands of the newcomer. "Do I need to say _Accio_ balls or will you smarten up?"

With a cry of mock horror, Ninian protected _them_ with his own book bag. "You wouldn't, would you, Claudia?" He considered this for a moment. "On second thought, you probably would."

Claudia Preen, another Ravenclaw in his grade, smirked. As usual, she wore too much makeup, but at least her mahogany hair was in a simple plait instead of the rowdy coiffure she wore last year. "I don't know, Ninny. I would obviously be suspended, but it _would_ be rather satisfying. I mean, Pomfrey'd put 'em back on, but the process would be a painful one!"

Isadora grinned. "I like the way she thinks."

Ninian sighed. "The circus clowns called, Miss Preen. They want their makeup back."

"If you're going to insult me, Mr. Wilberforce, please be original."

The bickering continued for a while longer, with neither party noticing Isadora scurrying to class. Then, Ninian's pocket watch screeched indignantly, "Get to class, you lazy laggards!"

Claudia's face went white. "We'll miss Potions! Hurry!"

The two of them stormed down the corridors, stumbling over each other as they went. Potions, down in the dungeons, would take a while to reach. Why, oh why, did they have to have that class first? Fortunately, they managed to slide down a banister and jumped into the classroom just as the professor arrived...

"Goodness, children. You nearly trampled me!" Professor Bell trilled. She wore her usual ensemble - a magenta professor's robe that somehow managed to show off her curves, which lifted off the ground to knee-length in the front, revealing stilettos.

"Sorry, Professor," Ninian and Claudia chimed together.

She giggled, flipping back her perfectly groomed mane of platinum blonde hair. "One must wonder what you two were up to that made you so late..." She seized their hands and asked them excitedly, "Anything naughty?"

Ninian gulped. "Well, she did threaten to _Accio_ my meat and two veg..."

Just about everyone in the classroom snickered, but one girl in the classroom let out a startled shriek of laughter. It was one of the Gryffindor girls - the one who was supposed to concoct a special conditioner the day before. He hadn't seen her since she applied the potion to her hair and wrapped it in a towel. To his dismay, she was still covering it.

Professor Bell giggled once more and then strutted to the front of the classroom. "Okay, children... It's time to show me your results from yesterday!"

One by one, students showed off their work. Finally, it was Ninian's turn. "I was selected to create an oil that could be used to fix the squeakiness of, say, a door hinge. I tested it out in my dormitory, and it worked perfectly."

The professor took a sample out of his vial and used it on her own classroom door. "Excellent! Thank you for this excellent oil - five points for Ravenclaw!"

Ninian beamed as the Gryffindors scowled.

"Okay, that leaves Miss Curd... Wherever did she go? Oh, dear. Why are you hiding under your desk? Now, now. I'm sure it's fine. You made the conditioner, right? Why are you covering your hair? Listen, missy - give me that hat! Hey! Get back here!"

The Curd girl, who sat in front of Ninian, had suddenly sprung out of her seat and attempted to scramble over his desk. She slipped, however, and landed on his lap.

With a shriek of girly triumph, Professor Bell snatched the hat off of Miss Curd's head.

Ninian stared at the girl, not understanding how she came to be in his arms. His confusion only grew as her hair came into view - why, it was the colour of a grape flavoured ice lolly!

The professor grinned inanely. "Oh, my! Ohhhhh, mmmmmyyyyy!" She set the hat on the girl's desk. "I understand now. But, honestly. There's no need to be ashamed. I mean, yes, there was a side effect, but you hair is shiny, smooth, and free of tangles! Half marks!"

Still lying on Ninian's thighs, the girl blubbered, "Pomfrey tried to fix it, but I somehow managed to create a potion out of her control! Nothing she can do will fix it!" She promptly passed out.

"Impressive," was all the professor said before she returned to her desk.

"Her name is Rebecca."

Ninian looked up to see Penelope, a Gryffindor who he had taken Transfiguration with until this year. "Huh?"

She smiled grimly. "Well, there's a girl lying dazed on your lap, and your hand is on her right breast. It's only proper that you are introduced." She pointed to the redhead beside her. "In case you feel like repeating the scenario with my other friend, this is Patsy."

"Hello, Patsy," Ninian mumbled. Then, he did a double take. "_What_ did you say about my hand?!" Sure enough, he was clenching the right side of Rebecca's ample bosom. "Ah!" He released it hurriedly and felt his skin burn.

"I s'pose I should be gettin' to me desk ri' 'bout now..." the violet-haired girl slurred. She didn't seem to have noticed what his hand had been doing. Penelope didn't tell her.

The rest of the class continued as normal.

*****

"You know, Brian," Eva Wilts murmured. "If you're so in love with this Kumiko girl, you should ask her to be your Hogsmeade date."

Brian, her older brother by three years, shook his head. "Are you mad? She'd never go out with a lad like myself." The very idea caused his innards to turn to mush. "Besides, nobody's askin' anybody to Hogsmeade. That's not for a while yet."

His sister rolled her eyes and smoothed down her Hufflepuff robes. "You really aren't adventurous, are you? And, yes, I am _well_ aware that Hogsmeade isn't until next month! I just want you to start preparing. You have to think everything through."

With a grin, Brian whisked out a book, _Lawyers: A Guide to Muggle Justice_. "So do these lawyer people. I'm interested in what they do... I'm hoping to get a position in the MoM so I can deal with justice." With that, he struck the most ridiculous pose known to Hogwarts, which may or may not have involved pelvic thrusts.

"You are such a half-wit."

The Hufflepuff lad settled back into his seat, ignoring the quizzical looks of the other diners. "I don't know, Eva. I think you're envious of my good looks."

The Wilts siblings were certainly striking. With their bronze skin and curly cocoa hair, their eyes, a deep shade of sky blue, stood out beautifully. They were both tall and slender, filling out in all the right places. In a word, attractive. And yet unlucky in love.

It didn't help that they wore their robes as baggily as possible, hiding their bodies.

Eva rolled her eyes. "We're practically twins, despite the age difference."

"And we can't forget that I have eight inches on you," Brian whined, slurping his soup noisily and gesturing to his shorter sister.

"Yes, we can't forget _that_," she agreed sarcastically.

Her brother's eyes suddenly went wide. There was another Hufflepuff girl coming into the Great Hall. She was short, shorter than Eva, even. Her name was Kumiko Motoyotsu, and she was a seventh year.

She settled at the table, with only two people between her and Brian. "Hello, Kumiko..." he said weakly, waving at her.

"Mm," was all she said before returning to her friends.

"Hello, Hogwarts! Look over here, you guys! Yeah, over here!" A stranger with skin the colour of caramel stood where McGonagall made her speeches. "Okay, so, my name is Savannah. Savannah Webb. Yep-see-doodles. Can anyone guess where I come from?"

"Hell?" a voice shouted out, seeming to come from the Slytherin table.

"Close, but not quite!" she replied without missing a beat.

"Well, you're not Bulgarian, so you can't come from Durmstrang," another voice called out, from the Ravenclaw table.

Someone from the Gryffindor table pointed out, "She's not a boy either, genius."

"You don't seem French, so I'm assuming..." the Ravenclaw voice began once more. "You come from Boarwilds then?"

The newcomer grinned. "You can bet your bloomers."

An uproar started. "What!" Kumiko shouted, getting to her feet. "Boarwilds? What the _hell_ are _you_ doing here?"

Brian bit his lip. This wasn't good. McGonagall was supposed to stop the rival school from joining the Triwizard Tournament. What had happened?

"Just to let you know," Savannah continued. "Boarwilds was let in on the condition that they don't take place in the Goblet of Fire ceremony... So, they already chose the contestant from my school. Guess who!"

There was silence, broken only by a small cry of, "Thomas Wellington?" from the Ravenclaw table, possibly the same person from before.

The Boarwilds bird seethed. "No, you _imbeciles_. Me!"

**_A/N: Haha, I had more fun naming characters. :D That's the problem with my writing… I have WAY too many characters in my stories… Ho hum, pig's bum. I'm sorry I took so long… I rediscovered the joys of role playing in forums (tee hee) and totally forgot to edit my cousin's fanfictions. D: I'm a bad editor._**


	7. Of Tights and Goblets

_**Summary: Rebecca Curd, Penelope Trimble, and many others are returning to Hogwarts. But what's this? A new school for witches and wizards has sprung up in Britain? Yes. Boarwilds aims to absorb Hogwarts, and already students are transferring. But proud students like Rebecca and Penelope aren't letting Hogwarts die so easily. With a new headmaster – sorry**_**, headmistress**_**, as well as a batch of new professors that range from awfully strict to seriously deluded, they're ready to do battle. Raging hormones and reawakened prejudices only add to the madness!**_

_**I do not own any part of Hogwarts/Harry Potter – that's all thanks to J.K. Rowling, of course. Lucky woman!**_

**Chapter Seven**

Of Tights and Goblets

"Psst! Becky! Look o'er there!"

Rebecca looked up from her dinner and squinted in the direction Penelope was pointing. "Gah, I can't see anything. I should get glasses."

Penny sighed. "I should be wearing mine... but they're so..." She made a face.

"Tell me about it!" Patsy joined in, speaking around a mouthful of "spider" spaghetti. "I saw you wearing them... They make you look even more deranged than you already are."

Becky mock-gasped. "I didn't think that was humanly possible."

"Oh, shut it!" Penny snapped, slurping sulkily on her pumpkin juice. "Anyway, they're bringing in an extra table. The Beauxbatons, Durmstrang, and Boarwilds students will be sitting there. They've all been holed up spare dungeon rooms as of late."

"As far as I'm concerned," Becky muttered, "the Boarwilds students should stay there. _Especially_ that Webb twit."

Patsy swallowed her spaghetti. "Are they going to be doing the... the... Goblet stuff?"

"Tonight during supper, I expect," Penny assured her. "Who do you hope is going to be selected from our school?"

Becky chewed her food thoughtfully, and then fixed a devious grin on her face. "Maybe, if Gilbert Malfoy is picked, we can somehow distract him and cause his untimely demise. Remember the stories from the year Harry Potter was in the tournament? They went against merfolk! If they do that this year-"

"If you suggest we dress up as mermaids, I will seriously smite you with this mug," Penny threatened with a roll of her eyes.

"Not at all," Becky assured her, but she fell silent.

"Isn't he too young, anyways?" Patsy pointed out.

Penny nodded. "Seventh years are only being allowed these days. Let's see... There's Kumiko Motoyotsu. She's a tough girl."

"I like her," Becky agreed. "It'd be nice to have a girl picked, too. The poor Beauxbatons girl almost always has to compete with two boys. Not to mention, in Harry Potter's time, three!"

Penny's gaze fell to her soup bowl. "Remember what happened to the other Hogwarts boy that year?"

"Poor kid," Patsy said. "Voldemort was such an ass."

Penny snorted. "That's a bit of an understatement, but yes."

"I'll be back shortly, girls - it seems I must visit the loo," Becky said, sticking out her tongue. "Tell me if anything interesting happens in my absence." She grinned cheekily. "Try not to get _too_ lonely."

Dodging some sort of scone that Patsy lobbed at her, Becky climbed off of the bench and scurried out of the hall. "Alright. Which way to the loo?" she murmured to herself. Incredible. She was beginning her sixth year at this school, and she still hadn't memorised the locations of all the bathrooms.

As though a _Lumos_ spell flickered on in her mind, she suddenly remembered. "Left at the boar statues - hello, boars! - right at the painting of the mango bowl..." She hummed to herself as she walked. "Ah, there you are, Mr. Bathroom! Oh, I suppose I should call you should be Mrs. Bathroom, seeing as this is the girls' loo..." She pushed the door open and nearly had her head taken off as someone sauntered out with a large, blunt object.

"Merlin's tooth enamel!" Becky spluttered as soon as she got a reasonable distance between the object and herself. When she caught a glimpse of the attacker's face, she gasped. "Gilbert! _Whatever_ were you doing in the girls' loo?"

Gilbert smirked, as he is prone to do. "Setting up surveillance charms in the stalls."

Had she been with Penny or Patsy, Becky may have managed a snappy comeback. But, unaided as she was, she could only manage a gape. "_What?_"

He laughed. "Aren't you gullible." Setting down his odd contraption, he looked her in the eye. "I am about to tell you possibly the most honest explanation you'll ever hear from me. Brace yourself, lass."

Becky frowned in confusion, but nodded to indicate she was listening.

Gesturing at the heavy object, Gilbert began. "This is a Muggle tool known as a _wrench_, and one of the largest of its breed, too. You can use it to loosen or tighten bolts." He sighed. "Basically, I'm serving a detention. I may have magically shaved Lori's cat."

"I seem to recall it having very little hair to begin with."

"Exactly!" the boy exclaimed. "Lori, however, was not impressed by the alteration. They're really getting creative with the punishments this year. They made me tighten bolts in all of the bathrooms, Muggle style." He made a face. "And before you ask, no, I wasn't supposed to enter the girls'. But I thought, if I sneak in and loosen some bolts, who knows what chaos will ensue?"

Becky began to scold him in a timid way, but a voice interrupted her. "Alright, Little Miss Norris. Time for you to check the little girls' room for mischief."

"Filch!" Becky hissed, wide-eyed.

"If he catches me..." Gilbert began, terrified.

A quiet padding of paws was heard just around the corner. It was, of course, Little Miss Norris, who was every bit of a mangy tattle-tale as her mother. Any second now, she was going to turn the corner and spot Gilbert.

Without thinking, Becky grabbed the boy's hand and pulled him inside the bathroom, wrench and all.

*****

Gilbert was speechless as Rebecca dragged him into one of the stalls. _There she was, berating me about going into the girls' bathroom, and now she's pulling me inside!_

As soon as she bolted the stall door closed, Rebecca sat on the seat and motioned for him to climb onto the back of the toilet. He complied

Just in time, too - the bathroom door screeched open, and Filch sent his cat in. Little Miss Norris' padding feet came closer, her almost painful sounding mews louder. She halted outside of their stall, and Rebecca suddenly yanked her skirt down to her ankles.

_Merlin_... Gilbert busied himself by staring intently at her violet hair.

Rebecca leaned down and said cheerily, "Hello, Little Miss Norris! I hope you aren't being a Peeping Tom!" She giggled in an almost deranged fashion. "I do suppose that joke would make much more sense if you were actually a tom cat..."

The cat gave a mew of annoyance and pattered away. The bathroom door shut with another screech, and then all was silent.

Gilbert gulped.

Tugging her skirt back up, Rebecca grinned at him. "Silly. I was wearing tights. Even if you tried, you wouldn't have seen my knickers." Standing, she helped him down and unlocked the door. "Don't even bother asking why I helped you, because, honestly, I don't know."

Gilbert walked out of the stall, staring at his wrench lest his face betray him. "Obviously, you are madly in love with me," he joked, but his voice came out too high.

"Anyway," the violet-haired Gryffindor said with a sigh, "I really do need to use this toilet, so please leave." She shut the door on him.

Gripping the wrench tightly, Gilbert rushed out of the bathroom as fast as his legs would carry him. The door closed behind him with a final, resounding screech.

_Oh... Oh, Merlin..._ he thought as soon as his heart resumed its normal pace. _She was wearing tights. She was wearing tights_. He chanted it over and over in his mind, and finally sighed with a mixture of relief and disappointment.

Gilbert's hands were still shaking. _What is this feeling? I've seen plenty of bints in their knickers... Why was it so odd with Rebecca?_ Her face, along with Penelope's and Patsy's, were drawn up in his mind. _I guess it's because she's so young and innocent looking compared to her friends. Thick hair, wide eyes, plump little lips - not to mention she's short. Penelope is far more glamourous with her elegantly constructed face and tall, willowy figure. Patsy's got that girl-next-door appeal - not strikingly attractive, but voluptuous with sparkling blue eyes and endearing freckles..._

_Yes, that _must_ be it_, he reasoned. _Rebecca seems far too young to be pulling her skirt down in front of men. That's why I was embarrassed. That's_ got_ to be it._

With a satisfied smile, Gilbert headed back to the Great Hall.

*****

As the girls returned to the Great Hall for the third and final time that day, Patsy turned a suspicious eye on Becky. "You took, like_, forever_ to get back from the bathroom today at lunch - I mean, dinner."

The blonde-turned-violet girl nodded. "On my way there, I encountered-"

"That boy who was touching your boob?"

Becky frowned. "Now, who would _that_ be, exactly?"

_Oops,_ Patsy thought with an inward wince. _Becky doesn't actually know about _that _yet, does she?_

Penny leaned over and saved the day. "She's speaking, er, figuratively, dear Becks," she lied. "There was a bloke imagining he was fondling your basoombas."

Becky snorted a laugh. "News to me. Anyway, no, it was Malfoy."

"Speak of the devil," Penny muttered.

Malfoy hovered just behind Patsy, an oddly strained expression on his face. "Yes, hilarious story, that one," he announced. "I was serving detention, using this Muggle tool, and as she came around the corner I accidentally bludgeoned her..." He laughed.

Becky blinked, and then a confused smile made its way onto her face. "Yes. Hilarious."

The boy wandered away, and Penny sighed. "I had a nightmare about him last night. He was prancing about with this... long hair... and singing, 'Come to the dark side - we have grapefruit!' What does it mean?"

Before Patsy could respond, McGonagall snapped her fingers. The caretaker - Filch, was it? - rolled a large metal cup into the room. Everyone fell silent.

"The Goblet..." Becky began, breathlessly.

"... of Fire..." Penny finished, awe-struck.

McGonagall took her place and smiled at the students. "You can rest assured that a portkey leading to Voldemort will _not _be involved in this year's Tournament." The smile vanished, replaced by a solemn expression. "When your name is called, come forward."

Savannah came to stand beside the headmistress, wearing miniature denim shorts and a sports bra, showing every perfectly toned part of her body. She was glistening with sweat, obviously training prior to this moment.

The Goblet's flame changed colour, and a burnt scrap of paper flew out into McGonagall's outstretched hand. "From Beauxbatons," she began, "Amelie Beauchamp."

Everyone applauded as a tall girl rose from her schoolmates. She had long, flowing - no, _gushing_ - black hair that reached her mid-thighs. With a gorgeous smile, Amelie joined Savannah with an almost illegal grace.

As soon as the applause faded, McGonagall accepted another name. "From Durmstrang, Sven Ivanov."

The Bulgarians burst into loud, animalistic noises as their handsomely muscular champion joined the two girls.

_He's hot!_ Patsy thought with a grin.

"Finally," McGonagall hollered triumphantly, "from Hogwarts we have..." The paper took its sweet time coming out of the Goblet. When it finally did, it flew wildly all over the Great Hall until the headmistress caught it with a spell. She cleared her throat and read, "Roderick Curd."

With a nearly inaudible cry, Becky hit the stone flooring.

**_A/N: You can imagine the fun I had writing this chapter. Oh, and to anyone out of the loop – the British call lunch 'dinner,' the evening meal being supper. I actually dreamt about this chapter… I took on Becky's role, and so I had Patsy asking me about men touching my chest – but we weren't in Hogwarts, we were in my very Muggle bathroom. I woke up so confused._**


	8. Bad News Boggart

_**Summary: Rebecca Curd, Penelope Trimble, and many others are returning to Hogwarts. But what's this? A new school for witches and wizards has sprung up in Britain? Yes. Boarwilds aims to absorb Hogwarts, and already students are transferring. But proud students like Rebecca and Penelope aren't letting Hogwarts die so easily. With a new headmaster – sorry**_**, headmistress**_**, as well as a batch of new professors that range from awfully strict to seriously deluded, they're ready to do battle. Raging hormones and reawakened prejudices only add to the madness!**_

_**I do not own any part of Hogwarts/Harry Potter – that's all thanks to J.K. Rowling, of course. Lucky woman!**_

_**I also do not own any part of Zac Efron, and that is very fortunate for him, because otherwise, that part would be either non-existent or hideously mutated.**_** :)**

**Chapter Eight**

Bad News Boggart

"What class do we have next?" Patsy asked with a yawn. "So much stuff happened yesterday. I, like, have no mind left right now."

Penny smiled grimly. When Becky fainted, she hit her head, and she was still under Madam Pomfrey's care. "We've got DADA."

"Dadda?" the Canadian replied with a wrinkle of her nose. "Your dad teaches one of these classes? Like, why don't I remember this?"

Shaking her head, Penny set the girl straight. "Defence Against the Dark Arts, fool."

"Oh!" Patsy laughed. "I remember now. That, like, younger guy teaches it, right?"

"Yeb'm," Penny murmured unintelligibly. She walked a few paces ahead of the slower Patsy, her mind elsewhere. _I do hope that Becky's alright. That was a loud _thunk_ her head made as it hit the floor. It sounded very painful._

"Penny! You're walking past the classroom!"

Startled, Penny halted mid-step and turned back to her friend. Sure enough, the door to Professor Marcell's room was a good five paces behind her. "Oh, dear..." she sighed.

The two girls strolled in, only to discover that they were the first inside.

The professor grinned at them. "Hello, my dears!" he practically sang. "Where is the violet bird?" He marched up to them, placing a hand on each of their shoulders. "Never mind. I have the two of you to myself for a while! What fun!"

_I am overcome with the desire to hurt this man_, Penny thought with a silent groan.

"Let's see if you can defend yourselves from _my_ dark arts!" He giggled. Yes. Giggled.

Patsy's eyes were wide with confusion, but Penny knew a perverted man when she saw one. "I'd much rather look over my notes from yesterday's class, Professor."

Professor Marcell pouted. "Oh, very well." He flounced up to the front of the classroom.

"That guy was, like, _so_ weird!" Patsy whispered with a snicker.

Penny nodded, once again lost in her own world. _Patsy just _had_ to go and let Becky know someone touched her chest... I was hoping to keep that under wraps. Oh, well. I wonder what Ninian is up to right now... The poor lad. I really embarrassed him._

"I said, Miss Trimble!"

"I... I... Boggart!" the brunette blurted out, completely flustered. She just noticed that the entire classroom was now full and the lesson had been underway for a few minutes.

The professor beamed. "Correct! The creature that turns into your worst fear is called a _boggart_. For a moment there, I thought you weren't paying attention."

"Haha, who me?" Penny laughed nervously. _I was right? How did I even manage that?_

Class went on slowly, and Penny continued to find her mind wandering back and forth until she caught Gilbert watching her curiously. She smiled at him, and was confused as he immediately turned back to his books.

"Miss Wilkins," Professor Marcell called. "Now that we've completed the pop quiz, I have just one more question for you."

Patsy stared up at the professor. "I hope it's not too hard, then."

He grinned in the most unbecoming fashion. "Oh, I assure you that _it_ will have just the right amount of hardness."

_Perhaps I should mentally throttle this man_, Penny mused.

Gilbert laughed out loud. "Professor, please. The poor lass had no idea what you're implying. Let her alone."

"Oh, alright then," the professor sighed. "Anyway, Miss Wilkins, do you think we should practice with boggarts? You haven't had the slightest bit of training with them since your third year. Am I correct?"

"Well, in my school, we didn't get to boggarts until, like, fourth year, I think," Patsy answered. "So I only did it two years ago. But sure. Let's do it."

"Heh heh… 'Let's do it'…" Professor Marcell pranced out of the classroom, his long, scarlet robes swishing dramatically around him. When he returned, he wheeled a large metal chest to the front of the room. It shook violently and nearly toppled onto the floor.

Penny smiled. She'd rather enjoyed her encounter with the school's boggart in third year. It had become an enormous spruce bug, which, after a loud scream, Penny had squished under an oversized, magically conjured gardening clog.

"You all remember the spell? _Riddikulus_? Alright. Let's go!" The professor yanked open the chest, revealing the boggart within...

Patsy squeaked with surprise as her parents' bodies lay at her feet. "_Riddikulus_!" she cried, waving her wand maniacally. Instantly, the bodies became piles of fleece doilies.

After a few Slytherins went (as they had butted in front of Penny in line), it was finally our brunette heroine's turn. Raising her wand, she braced herself as the boggart - in the form of Zac Efron, dressed in a gorilla suit - turned to face her.

The boggart seemed to consider her for a moment longer than the others.

_Come on, just turn into a spruce bug so we can get this over with..._ Penny grumbled inwardly. _Or are you trying to make yourself as fearsome as possible?_

The boggart smiled eerily - not much of a feat, considering he was still Zac Efron - and began to shudder. The gorilla suit disappeared, replaced quickly (and thank heavens - there is no need to see Mr. Efron in the nude) by an enormous Victorian era gown.

Penny watched in confusion as Zac's body became almost skeletal, and his features became that of a woman's. Her eyes were hidden by a blindfold, and her black hair was piled atop her head with ribbons, wilted flowers, and pearls. Her waist was too thin - there was _no way_ this woman had a ribcage. Her stick-like arms were clad in black gloves, and the wide skirt was covered in lace and spider web embroidery. The pale blue-grey fabric of her skirt opened in the front to reveal that her hoop-skirt was formed out of _bones_, and that her legs were just as stick-like as her arms.

In her weak little hand she held a lantern. "_Penelope..._" she hissed through her blood-red lips, shaking the lantern, which burned with a blue flame.

"I... I don't understand..." Penny stuttered, falling to her knees. "This... This isn't what I got in th-third year..."

Her classmates cheered her on. "Use the spell! The spell!"

"I... I can't!" Penny cried, hiding her eyes. She could hear the shuffling of the woman's skirt as she drew closer, still hissing her name.

Professor Marcell's voice was heard over the din. "You can do it, Miss Trimble!"

Penny opened her eyes - just in time for the skeleton of a woman to slide her fingers along Penny's cheek. "_Be not afraid of my lantern..._"

Screaming, the brunette scrambled backwards, knocking over Patsy and some other Gryffindors as she went. "I've never - _never_ - seen this before in my life! I don't understand! _What are you?_"

Professor Marcell launched himself in front of Penny, and the boggart turned into an elderly lady with a sour disposition. "_Riddikulus_!" the professor shouted, and the boggart dropped her cane and fell flat on her face before being magically stuffed back into the chest. "Penelope, are you alright?" the professor asked.

"No," she replied, feeling quite out of her mind. "Please... Let me go."

*****

Jeremy Mude wandered aimlessly down the hall, quite forgetting where he was supposed to be. "Where the hell is Malfoy...?" he muttered, rubbing his muscles. He'd ran into that Boarwilds bint in the courtyard, and she'd insisted on sparring with him. Of course, being a heavily muscled lad, he was able to hold his own - until she kicked into high gear.

His groin throbbed intensely. "Merlin, that girl is nasty... Maybe I should stop in the hospital wing..." Pivoting on his left foot, Jeremy headed back the way he'd come.

Pushing open the wing's doors, the Slytherin lad noticed a girl's leg protruding from underneath a bed sheet. Curiosity overcame him, and he found himself approaching the bed slowly, reaching forward to pull back the sheet...

An eerily grinning face greeted him.

"Gah!" Jeremy spluttered, stumbling backwards. "Rebecca! Whatever are you doing in the hospital wing?" In his surprise, he hadn't remembered to use his Bulgarian accent.

The Gryffindor girl sat up, shaking her head. "I see you're developing an English accent! But you really don't have to change for us - we'll accept you whether or not you speak like us, you silly boy." The sheets slid down to reveal she was wearing only a white tank top and a pair of polka-dotted knickers. Jeremy gulped. "Anyway, I hit my head and suffered a little trauma."

"Oh," he answered, glad she hadn't suspected anything. "That is not good. How do you say that in English? The big word with a _u_?" Back to the Bulgarian.

Rebecca smiled. "Unfortunate?"

"Yes," he replied slowly. He liked her thighs. They weren't thin like Lori's - there was a slight, delectable plumpness to them. "How did you hit your head?"

Her eyes closed for a moment, and when she opened them again, the mirth had vanished. "During the Goblet of Fire ceremony, my brother was chosen to represent Hogwarts. You heard that, yes? Let us just say that... I didn't take the news too well. I fainted."

Jeremy bit his lip. "You do not wish him to compete?" The plumpness of her breasts wasn't slight at all! He glanced from them to her lips, and her waist, and her eyes...

"If he gets hurt, I..." Rebecca's voice became too soft to be heard, and her eyelids fluttered.

A door in the back of the room opened, and Madam Pomfrey stepped in, carrying a tray. Her eyes immediately found Jeremy, and they narrowed. "Mr. Mude! Miss Curd is not dressed for visitors! I was about to sponge bathe her! She received a visit from her friends already, and she is tired. Begone!"

"I... I'm sorry. I didn't realise. May I ask you to step out so I may ask Miss Curd a question before I go?" Jeremy smiled angelically at the witch, but she didn't fall for his 'charm.'

"Hmpf! You have exactly one minute, and I _will_ be present!"

Licking his lips nervously, he turned to the violet-haired Rebecca. "Would you... like to attend... Hogsmeade with me?" he asked, pronouncing 'Hogsmeade' as oddly as is possible.

"Hogsmeade," she corrected him, "and of course! It would be a pleasure."

Jeremy grinned. "This pleases me." He attempted a dramatic exit, but he was denied - the doors opened, and Professor Marcell entered with a dazed girl in his arms.

"This young lady needs help," the professor announced, dropping her unceremoniously onto an empty bed. He noticed Rebecca and beamed. "Ah, there you are, Miss Curd. Your friend got a good fright from my boggart, she did."

Rebecca laughed in a less than sane way. "Boggarts... Tee hee!"

"Honestly," Madam Pomfrey huffed. "This poor girl needs a bathing and a rest! I'll take care of Miss Trimble in a moment, but you men must leave _immediately._ If not, you'll face the consequences. I have medicines bitter enough to make your tongue shrivel up in a most uncomfortable fashion."

Jeremy exchanged glances with Professor Marcell, and the two quickly exited the room.

*****

Leaning against a pillar, Savannah Webb watched as the Slytherin boy lumbered his way down the corridors. _With those muscles, it is a pity he isn't one of our own,_ she thought with a shrug. _Then again, if we really need him, he'll be easy to claim._

**_A/N: To any of you who like Zac Efron, I mean no offence. I just find him awfully odd looking. But that is my opinion. And, if you read it carefully, you will realize that it was a Slytherin whose greatest fear was Mr. Efron. xD Also, I have lost my voice… My brother made me read this story to him, and I am one of those people who give each character a different voice… Anyway, every time I read Mude's lines, I gave him this really gruff, British accent, and eventually I couldn't speak without sounding hoarse. Thus, when I was trying to speak high-pitched for Lori's lines, it sounded awful. *sigh*_**


	9. Expecto Platypus

_**Summary: Rebecca Curd, Penelope Trimble, and many others are returning to Hogwarts. But what's this? A new school for witches and wizards has sprung up in Britain? Yes. Boarwilds aims to absorb Hogwarts, and already students are transferring. But proud students like Rebecca and Penelope aren't letting Hogwarts die so easily. With a new headmaster – sorry**_**, headmistress**_**, as well as a batch of new professors that range from awfully strict to seriously deluded, they're ready to do battle. Raging hormones and reawakened prejudices only add to the madness!**_

_**I do not own any part of Hogwarts/Harry Potter – that's all thanks to J.K. Rowling, of course. Lucky woman!**_

_**No French toast was harmed in the making of this fanfic.**_

_**One of my many cousins tried, though.**_

_**Tsk, tsk. :P**_

**Chapter Nine**

Expecto Platypus

_It's so strange... Going to eat without Becky and Penny..._ Patsy mused as she dug into her pumpkin pie. _I don't really know anyone else in Gryffindor. Well, there's that girl named Lendy... She's kind of weird, though. I don't wanna sit by her._

She fiddled with her fork, feeling awkward amongst her excitedly chatting housemates. _Still, I guess talking to Lendy is better than not talking at all._ She glanced around to find Lendy.

The Gryffindor in question was presently massaging her French toast.

_On second thought, my vocal cords _could_ use a break..._ Patsy finished with her meal and stood. "I'll go visit the girls in the hospital wing, I guess," she murmured aloud. She turned and proceeded to vacate the Great Hall, but found herself crashing into the backside of someone.

"Ah! I am... so-ree!" the owner of the broad backside rumbled. He turned and fixed his eyes on her. It was the Durmstrang champion.

Patsy felt her face redden. _Ooh! It's the hottie! Where's he from? Germany?_

"You are not hurting?" he asked, genuine concern on his face. He reached out with one enormous hand and tentatively poked her.

"No! I'm, like, _totally_ fine!" she assured him, grinning in what she hoped was an enchanting way. _Penny said that there would be a Tri- I mean, Quadrawizard Ball... And I can attend it with any boy from any of the four schools!_ She did a quick once-over on the boy. _And Becky said that the champions and their dates have a grand entrance! That'd be _so_ cool!_

The Durmstrang boy frowned. "Hah? You are not English-speaking!"

"I'm from Canada," Patsy informed him with a flirtatious giggle. "I transferred from Mapleward this year."

"Ah! So we are both outsiders!" He beamed down at her. "My name is Sven, and I come from Bulgaria! If you weren't here to see, I have been chosen as Durmstrang champion!" He puffed out his chest with pride.

She laughed. "Call me Patsy. And, yes, I did see you chosen. You're very muscular..." she purred.

"You flatter me, Patsy of Canada," Sven said with a grin. "I was just about to... to walk in garden. You come with me?"

_Oh my gosh! I have_ totally_ caught this guy! The hot guys back home weren't so, like, easy to play into my hands!_ Patsy fluttered her eyelashes. "Oh, _Sven_! I'd be, like, _honoured_!" Taking his hand, she skipped into the corridor.

Outside, the lad grabbed her waist and lifted her onto a bench. "There. You are so little. I could not look into your eyes." He sighed with awe. "Ah. They are blue. Like ocean."

"I am told they are more of a sky blue," Patsy babbled. _Let's see. His eyes are hazel. It's a nice hazel, I suppose. I don't really know... His hair's lovely, though. Rich, dark brown._ "I like your hair," she announced abruptly, beaming at him from her perch.

Sven ran a hand through the short strands. "Hair is hair," he said with a shrug, "but yours is like fire!" He reached out, stopping his hand moments before it reached her golden red tresses. "I can touch it?"

Patsy flushed. "Oh, sure. Why not?"

The Bulgarian's gentle stroking of her hair turned to smelling it, and then he was smelling her neck, and finally he wrapped his enormous arms around her. "Ah, Patsy of Canada," he whispered, nuzzling her shoulder. Patsy was absolutely confused. "Beauxbatons girls treat me like enemy... And many Hogwarts girls... Hearts of ice!"

"Oh, so you've met Lori Thornton?" she asked, muffled in his chest.

Sven held her away at arm's length. "Patsy of Canada is not like those girls. Now, Sven of Bulgaria asks you... Will you go to dance - with me?"

_Wow. That was almost_ too_ fast._ Patsy rubbed at her eyes._ Oh, wait. He's not in love with me - he just wants to get to know me better. That makes much more sense. _"Oh, yes, Sven! That'd be way cool! I mean, delightful."

With that, the champion nearly crushed her in a hug.

*****

As she came to, Penny surveyed her surroundings. The light was dim, but she could tell that everything was white. To her left, Becky was rereading book four of the _Confessions of Georgia Nicolson_ series. To her right, was... a wall.

She sat up slowly. "Becky... Are we in the hospital wing?"

"Indeed we are," the girl said, a violet blur in the corner of Penny's eye. "And we've been labelled as 'temporarily unstable,' so our wands were taken away."

"Oh, for Merlin's aunt's hairdresser's dog's flea's nephew's sake!" Penny muttered to herself. She cautiously pulled herself out of her bed and looked around. "Where do you think they're hidden?"

Becky set her book down with a sigh. "In her office, of course."

"Is she in her office?"

A smile spread across the shorter girl's face. "She's at dinner, of course."

Penny kept her expression neutral. "Is the door locked?"

Her fellow Gryffindor climbed out from under her sheets and came towards Penny in her dusty rose night-dress, grinning. "We'd never open the door. We're invalids, of course."

Within seconds, they were inside of the office.

"Watch out," Becky warned, gesturing at a sleeping cat. "It sleeps through noise, but if you touch it or bump it with something..." She grimaced. "Take it from one who knows from experience."

Penny made sure to steer clear of the animal. "Ah, here they are!" she exclaimed triumphantly.

"They were hidden in the bookshelf?" Becky asked. "I was thinking it'd be inside a cabinet or something of the sorts..." She pulled a book out at random, and, snickering, held it up for Penny to see the cover.

It displayed a witch and wizard - scantily clad, and clinging together with passion. "'Captive Bride of the Wicked Wizard'?" she read with amusement.

"No! Look at the author!" Becky tossed it to her.

Catching the novel, Penny looked closer. "Poppy Pomfrey... Why... That's _Madam Pomfrey_!"

Becky snatched it back and stuffed it into the bookshelf. "In all my sixteen years, I did _not_ expect to see _that _coming from her."

They left the office quickly and leapt back into bed. "Do you know why I wanted my wand, Becky?" Penny asked. Without waiting for an answer, she held her wand aloft and whispered, "_Expecto patronum_!"

Light burst from her wand tip, and it formed into a silver platypus with long flowing hair - not unlike Gilbert's in the nightmare she had a second time while unconscious.

Becky gaped. "No. Way." She, too, summoned her patronus.

From her wand came a platypus as well - except it was wearing a bomber pilot's cap and goggles. Their patronuses glided around the room for a while before slowly fading, and Becky clapped excitedly. "Oh, that was _beautiful_! Both platypuses... You know what this means?"

"Indeed I do," Penny said, her heart beating rapidly. "We _are_ twin souls!"

*****

Brian sighed, scratching the top of his head lazily. _Typical Eva. 'I'll probably get to the library before you, so I'll take all of the books so I can get started on my assignments without waiting for you!' Now I'm waiting for _her_. She's probably chatting with her friends somewhere._

"Hey!"

Looking up in confusion, the Hufflepuff boy was startled to find himself looking into the eyes of the Canadian exchange student. "Ah! Hello?"

"What's with that look, Brian?" Patsy asked, sliding into the chair across from him.

He sighed. "I was waiting so intently for Eva that hearing a female voice that didn't come with Eva's face confused me," he admitted with a laugh. He'd met her a few days ago, when she couldn't find an empty table.

Patsy laughed. "She's, like, _right_ outside of the library doors. With a huge pack of friends, from the looks of things." She smoothed down her parchment and grabbed her quill pen.

"Hey, you're friends with Roderick's sister, right?" Brian asked. He made a mental note to never let his sister carry his things again, and then shifted uncomfortably in his oversized sweater. "She took a pretty bad fall."

"Oh, yeah," Patsy murmured. "She's sleeping in the hospital wing as we speak... Penny, too. They're, like, 'unstable,' apparently. Pomfrey even took their wands away!"

Brian grinned. "Ah, so you are the friend of not one but _two_ madwomen. I can just imagine how well _that_'d go over in, say, the Victorian era." He shook his head in mock-sadness. "You'd be a social outcast, and no rich man would marry you."

"Yes, thank heavens I'm born in this day an age, where Uggs are the fashionable thing and not corsets!" The Gryffindor glared at her parchment, scribbled something out, and finally crumpled up the entire thing.

Brian bit his lip. "So. What are you doing for Hogsmeade this year?"

"Hmm," Patsy began, absentmindedly chewing on the top of her quill. "I was thinking of hanging out with my two mentally unstable friends." She smirked.

_I could be about to make a huge mistake, but here goes..._ "Would you care grabbing a butterbeer with me? We never get much time to talk in the library, and you're a rather fascinating girl, you know." He grinned.

"What's a butterbeer?"

Brian nearly shot out of his seat. "Are you _serious_? Oh. Right. I'd forgotten that you transferred here..." He shrugged. "It's a really tasty drink, what more can I say?"

"Well," Patsy began, still confused, "I'm not making any promises, because, like, who knows what Becky and Penny will make me do... But it sounds like it could be fun, so I'll try to make time for you." She dabbed her quill into the ink once more. "Oh, and by the way, you'll _never_ guess who asked me to the Quadrawizard ball!"

His heart sank. _She already has a date for it?_ "Uh... Tomas Finnigan?"

A snort. "No! _Sven Ivanov_!" With that, she returned to her parchment.

Brian felt his throat go dry. "Wow, he must really think you're something to pick you out so quickly. I mean, you _are_ something. I mean, that is, I..." He quickly shut himself up.

Patsy looked up from her work. "Did you say something? I zoned out."

He sighed. "Nah. Just talking to myself."

_**A/N: To any of you wondering, the French toast massaging incident is based on a real life scenario. My entire family is nuts. Anyways, hurrah! I finally got the platypuses into the storyline. D: It took some work, but I convinced myself not to write another foolish Gilbert/Rebecca scene. I should also get around to figuring out whom I want to end up with whom. :D This is a romance fic, after all.**_


	10. Hogsmeade Hijinks

**_Summary: Rebecca Curd, Penelope Trimble, and many others are returning to Hogwarts. But what's this? A new school for witches and wizards has sprung up in Britain? Yes. Boarwilds aims to absorb Hogwarts, and already students are transferring. But proud students like Rebecca and Penelope aren't letting Hogwarts die so easily. With a new headmaster – sorry_, headmistress_, as well as a batch of new professors that range from awfully strict to seriously deluded, they're ready to do battle. Raging hormones and reawakened prejudices only add to the madness!_**

**_Absolutely no owning of Hogwarts/Harry Potter going on here – we have some British lass (J.K. Rowling) to blame! :3_**

**Chapter Ten**

**Hogsmeade Hijinks**

_She didn't mean to get separated from the others._

Becky was having a wonderful time. Hogsmeade was just as fun as it always was, and she had already spent all of the money she allowed herself to spend that day. Dimitar had tugged her away from Patsy and Penny while they had been shopping, and brought her into the Three Broomsticks to have a Butterbeer or two. Gilbert joined them after a while.

Several Butterbeers later, she was feeling a little drowsy. Butterbeer had never made her feel this way before: tired, with a fiery stomach. Dimitar offered to rent a room at the inn.

Becky slumped on the table. "Oh, that'd be _lovely_... I don't know why I feel like this... Maybe they changed the ingredients in the Butterbeer...?" she hiccupped.

Gilbert got a strange expression on his face and stood. "Anyway, I'll catch you later."

Almost right after he left, Lori entered. Her face was red - possibly from the tight-fitting clothing? "Jeremy, have you seen Gilby-wilby?"

"Yeah, he just left," Dimitar replied slowly.

_Jeremy? Why did Lori call him-? Oh, I'm so sleepy... Ooh, what a pretty salt shaker!_

Her date bid Lori goodbye and hoisted Becky to her feet. "I have a room," he told her, carrying her toward the stairs. "You can get sleep."

"Shank yooh," she slurred. _My head... It feels like wild boars are rampaging up there._

Next thing she knew, she was lying on a soft bed. Her coat was gone - she wore only the clothes Patsy had made her wear - "Date Stuffs" - that consisted of a green plaid skirt, a maroon and white shirt, and a strange, corset-like thing that fit under her bust line.

Dimitar lay next to her. He began stroking her hair, whispering something to her. His accent was gone, and he was speaking English fluently. He removed her socks and began to unfasten the corset thing.

"What... What are you... you doing?" Becky gasped. Her head continued to throb.

His hands travelled up her legs and stopped at her hips. "_Rebecca..._" he murmured in her ear. "_You have no idea how long..._"

Becky stared at him in confusion. Didn't he just say he was going to let her have some sleep? _What the madness? I want sleep... Not this. Whatever _this_ is._

Dimitar leaned down and seemed about to snog her.

"Stop! Get off of her, you lecherous bastard!" Gilbert stood in the doorway, panting. In her delirious state, Becky waved and asked where he'd purchased his scarf.

"What the hell, Malfoy?" Dimitar snapped, getting to his feet.

But Gilbert had already ducked toward the bed, pulled Becky into his arms, and dragged her out of the room.

"First things first," the boy told her as they stumbled out of the inn. "His real name is Jeremy Mude. He's been a Slytherin at Hogwarts as long as I have." He set her down in the snow behind the inn. "Second - he slipped Firewhisky into your drinks."

"What?" Becky gaped. She was freezing; her coat was still upstairs in the inn.

Gilbert dropped into the snow beside her, his face full of anguish. "I knew what he was up to when I witnessed it... I... I ran out... But then I thought of innocent little you, alone with him, drunken... I came back..."

Frightened, Becky patted his back lightly. "Well. Thank you for saving me."

"I should have stopped him sooner," Gilbert moaned.

Ignoring the pounding in her head, Becky smiled. "Well, you came back. It's enough to show me that you care." She shivered.

"If you say so," Gilbert replied. "Here." He draped his coat over her shoulders.

"I am once again in your debt," she laughed.

Finally, a smile formed on the boy's face. "Let's settle your debts now."

When he kissed her, Becky was full of confusion. She was both terrified and ecstatic at the same time. It felt wrong and right all at once. She almost wet her knickers. _Is this what love feels like?_ she mused. Unsure, she simply sat there, snogging him in the snow.

He stopped, looking at her strangely. "I saw Penny out front. Keep my coat for now."

Becky stood, her legs shaking, and she slowly left him. _What just happened there...?_

*****

_She didn't mean to get separated from the others._

"Honestly, Roderick! Patsy'll be waiting for me!" Penny stood with her hands on her hips, struggling to glare at the older boy, but failing to contain her giggles.

Becky's brother had asked her to have a Butterbeer with him while she was waiting for Patsy to come out of the loo, and when she had denied him, he'd kidnapped her. Although she was having great fun, she desperately wanted to find her friend.

"Oh, _please_," Roderick muttered with a grin. "I'm sure she's fine. She knows Eva Wilts, doesn't she? Eva was in the building when we left. She'll probably be with her."

Penny sighed. "It's ever so tempting to let you convince me..."

"Then let me!" He pretended to toss a snowball at her, and then laughed uproariously as she smote him in the nose with another. He tugged her onto a bench with him, and wiped the snow off of his face. "I can't believe Becks is fraternising with Malfoy's henchman."

_Now's my chance!_ "I'm curious... The surname Malfoy is so familiar to me, and yet Gilbert was a new face this year. Where have I heard of his family before?"

"The Malfoys?" Roderick scowled. "Where to begin...? Let's see. His grandparents are devoted Deatheaters, and his father became one for a while, too." He stroked his stubbly chin. "Draco. That's his name. Draco Malfoy. And Gilbert has a brother - Scorpius."

Penny snorted. "Scorpius? Draco? Are they _determined_ to name their children after undesirable creatures?"

"Hmm," Roderick murmured, smirking, "Then what creature is Gilbert named after?"

"The Gilbish toad, obviously!"

Roderick sighed. "You're making that up."

"Oh, shut it..."

Roderick laughed again. "Anyway, they're all Slytherins. They're stinking rich. And usually bad news. Scorpius wasn't so bad, though. I was sad to see him graduate."

"Hey, I remember him!" Penny grinned. "He was a _gorgey_ bloke."

"Oi!" the boy wailed. "What about me?"

Penny arched her brows. "What about you?" She stood and wrapped her coat tighter around her. "Can I please go find Patsy?"

"Only if I can come." He fell into step beside her, and spontaneously developed a thick accent. "_O Penny, your eyes are so green, your hair so brown, your stomach so lean..._"

"What in the name of Circe's cling up stockings was that supposed to be?"

Roderick ignored her and continued. "_Your lips are like cherries, your skin is like snow - even your smile seems to glow_..."

Penny couldn't help the blush that stole across her face. "Er..."

Becky stumbled into their path. Her face was just as red as Penny's, her eyes were bloodshot, and she was wearing a different coat then the one she arrived in. As soon as she noticed them, her eyes narrowed. "_Roderick_..." she hissed.

He frowned. "Hey. My friends dared me to put my name in the Goblet. I didn't expect to win, otherwise I wouldn't have done it."

"Oh, I don't care about _that_ anymore," she informed him stiffly. "You'll be going through an experience worse than my punishments. If you die, I'll just think, 'Oh, he went through with it willingly...' and forget about you." Her gaze fell on Penny.

Roderick sighed. "Oh, I see. You don't want me bothering your friends. Well, guess what? She _wants_ to be bothered!"

"I do?" Penny asked incredulously.

Becky linked arms with Penny, her expression dark. "Piss off, Roderick." The girls tried to flounce off, but Becky didn't seem all that co-ordinated at the moment, and they landed in a pile of snow.

*****

_She didn't mean to get separated from the others._

Patsy unlocked the bathroom door and stepped out. "Penny?" she called, glancing around. There weren't many people inside the shop, and Penny was nowhere to be seen. "Penny?"

"Oh, hello!" It was Eva Wilts, looking cute in a sweater dress and tights.

"Eva, thank Merlin!" Patsy exclaimed, glancing quickly around the shop one last time. "You haven't seen Penny, have you?"

Eva frowned. "Penny Trimble, you mean? I'm sorry, but I haven't. I was too busy arguing with Brian." She made a face and pointed to her brother's slumped form on one of the nearby tables. "He wouldn't leave my and friends and me alone."

"Why isn't he with _his_ friends?" the redhead asked.

A smirk was the response. "_What_ friends?" Eva leaned in and whispered, "He's such a loner. Five years at this place, and he's only found two people for semi-chums."

Patsy peered over at Brian. "Poor thing."

"Not really," Eva sighed. "Anyway, I hate to abandon you when you've just lost Penny, but I really have to go..." She mouthed the words,_ I'll be right there!_ at some girls who stood outside, looking through the window.

Brian got up from the table and seemed to just notice Patsy. "Oi!" he exclaimed, rushing up to her. "Have you come to join me in a walk around the place?"

"Um... Sure," she mumbled reluctantly.

He took her hand. "This way to the Three Broomsticks. They've got the best Butterbeer in Hogsmeade, I can assure you." They left the shop and entered an inn of sorts. That Bulgarian boy that Becky was supposed to be dating was sitting alone, looking murderous.

After Brian paid, a mug of something warm and frothy was shoved into Patsy's hands. She stared at it nervously. "Oh. It _smells_ good."

"Drink up," he insisted, beaming at her. He really was cute, Patsy decided. Especially with the ring of frothy Butterbeer around his lips. "Don't make me cram in down your throat."

"I... What?!" Patsy quickly took a sip. It was _delicious_. "Oh... Mmm... Yum!"

Brian laughed. "Hmm. You seem to like it, then."

After that, they adventured into the streets. Patsy excitedly discovered other shopping places that Penny and Becky had yet to point out to her, and even purchased a few things (make that ten decorative scarves).

Finally, they entered a store that looked kind of spooky. She glanced up at Brian. "Ooh, isn't this romantic," she joked, looking at the dusty shelves full of skulls and whatnot.

"My aunt owns this shop," he announced with a grin. "My barmy aunt."

"Barmy...?" Patsy asked, following him. "I know Becky explained that one to me once... Uh... Does it mean cold?"

Brian stopped and turned to her, smirking. "Well... not exactly."

_Like, what the Merlin does that mean?_ "Ooh, what's this here?" Patsy picked up an orb-like thing and examined it.

"Auntie?" Her Hufflepuff companion disappeared around the corner.

The orb was very pretty... The only word Patsy could think of that could describe it was that fancy one Becky used once before... iridescent. It caught the dull light from above and glittering with all the colours of the rainbow. She stared deeper into it... and began to see...

_Keep away from my orb, you filthy foreigner._

Patsy gasped, nearly dropping it. Had she just seen a strange woman? She wasn't sure.

One thing was for certain, though. The woman who approached her just then _was_ strange. She wore fushia pantaloons. "You're lucky you didn't break that," she sniffed.

Brian flushed. "Aunt Mildred!"

"I'd like to buy this," Patsy murmured, holding up the orb. She didn't know why, it just seemed pretty. And maybe it would impress the girls. One could hope.

Brian's aunt rattled off a price, accepted Patsy's money (as well as the Sickle that Brian donated to the transaction), and then scuttled away. "I told you she was mad," Brian said as they exited the store.

"Mad? I thought you said she was cold," Patsy replied. Why did Brian then sigh and shake his head?

**_A/N: Hee hee hee… Oh, the fun of it all. :D I'm sorry it took me so long to get this up… School's been, well, schooly. :S Anyways, Mude's secret is out, Becky and Penny are confused, and what's with that orb that Patsy bought? We shall soon find out (school willing – we'll see about that homework load). Oh, and don't worry if some of these aren't the romantic pairings you had hoped for… Much is yet to come!_**


	11. The First Challenge

**_Summary: Rebecca Curd, Penelope Trimble, and many others are returning to Hogwarts. But what's this? A new school for witches and wizards has sprung up in Britain? Yes. Boarwilds aims to absorb Hogwarts, and already students are transferring. But proud students like Rebecca and Penelope aren't letting Hogwarts die so easily. With a new headmaster – sorry_, headmistress_, as well as a batch of new professors that range from awfully strict to seriously deluded, they're ready to do battle. Raging hormones and reawakened prejudices only add to the madness!_**

**_If you think that I own even the most insignificant shrivel of Harry Potter's realm, than you, my friend, must not have heard of J.K. Rowling._**

**Chapter Eleven**

The First Challenge

(finally)

Gilbert sat on a windowsill, his knees tucked under his chin and his shirt unbuttoned. His skin glistened with sweat, and his breathing was shallow.

_Bloody hell_, he thought between pants. _Why did I give my coat to Rebecca? Now I have a fever_. He pressed his forehead against the window's cold glass and watched the flakes slowly covering Hogwarts.

Touching his lips thoughtfully, the Slytherin sighed. _More importantly, what possessed me to kiss her? I _have_ been feeling rather odd around her lately, but... I don't know if it's like _that_. And besides, how do I know the feeling is mutual? She's probably terrified..._

"Gilbert?"

He sat up quickly, rubbing sweat from his forehead and glancing around stupidly.

Stepping out of the shadows was Penelope. She blinked and turned a little red. "Oh my, Mr. Malfoy. I trust you are not under the weather?"

Gilbert quickly buttoned his shirt, feeling his face heat up as well. "Not under the weather, no," he informed her. _I'm in the middle of the storm, rather_.

"Good." She chewed thoughtfully on the end of one of her braids. Wearing a jewel-tone violet coat, she was looking even prettier than she usually did in the drab school uniforms. The royal shade made her look more grown up. More regal.

He found himself flushing at the thought. _Excuse me? Aren't you in love with Rebecca?_

Penelope sighed. "I suppose I shall have to go through with it, then." She took a deep breath and looked him in the eye. "Rebecca is hyperventilating in the hospital wing - she's nervous about her brother, you know - and Patsy is, horror upon horrors, sitting with the Bulgarians to cheer on their champion. Would it terribly inconvenience you if I..." She sighed once more. "If I sat with you and your friends for the first challenge today?"

The Slytherin inhaled sharply and immediately hoped it hadn't been visible. "Sit with us? Sure. Why would you want to, though? Surely you have someone else who is much more amiable, yes?"

She shook her head. "I haven't the largest pack of mates, you must remember. I can't find the Wilts siblings, and Roderick is in the tournament, of course."

"Of course," Gilbert echoed. This was interesting.

"Usually I'd just sit alone and enjoy the game, but..." The brunette shrugged.

"It's fine," he assured her. "I'll just go and grab my coat..." He turned in the general direction of the Slytherin common room and immediately toppled over as a fresh wave of pain wracked his head. "Merlin's buttocks!"

Penelope dashed to his side, concern written all over her face. "Oh, dear. You _are_ ill, aren't you?" She tsked. "Liar. Let's see about dragging you to the hospital wing."

"No!" he bellowed. "Rebecca's there!"

Her brow creased. "What's all this about?" She was already tugging him to the window, grunting with the exertion. To her credit, he _was_ a dead weight at the moment.

"She hasn't told you?" Gilbert asked incredulously. "I figured a kiss is something that girls gossip about..." He winced the second the words were out of his mouth.

"A _kiss_?" she practically shouted.

He laughed nervously. "Yes, there was some snogging between us. I kind of saved her from... something..."

"I know about your mate and what he tried to do to Becky," Penelope said evenly. "The poor girl still thinks he only meant to snog her. So naive... It's adorable."

Gilbert looked away. "He's no longer my mate. I don't want anything to do with that monster." He turned back to the Gryffindor. "I also don't want to see Rebecca right now... I... It's just too awkward."

She gave him a strange look and glanced up and down the corridors. "Fine. Let's go to the challenge. However, if you die of something caused by sitting around in the cold while you are ill, you cannot come to me. Do we have an agreement?"

"Uh-huh..."

Penelope grinned. "Excellent." Helping him to his feet, she gave him a slap on the back.

"Ow! Hey!" Gilbert swatted at her, finding himself laughing.

She laughed with him, holding his arm around her shoulders until he regained his bearings. "Just making sure you were actually in pain, and that this wasn't some ploy to get an innocent young girl alone, like your ma- I mean, like your fellow Slytherin."

He rubbed his back with his spare hand. "If I wasn't hurt before, I am now."

*****

Patsy rubbed her mitten-clad hands together, blowing hot breath on them to add to the meagre heat the friction created. Sven had introduced her to his Bulgarian friends and they invited her to sit with them. She felt only slightly as though she had turned her back on Hogwarts. She was a new student, after all. She didn't officially feel like she was part of the school yet.

A reasonable excuse, right?

Vlad smiled down at her. He wasn't as hot as Sven, but there was still plenty of potential. "Patsy of Canada." They all called her that. It was slightly annoying. "Your waiting is not able?"

"Yes, Vlad," she replied calmly. She had to remind herself that he had yet to grasp her language fully. "I cannot wait for the challenge. I'm, like, _so_ excited!"

To see over the massive Bulgarians in the row before her, Patsy had to sit on a stack of cushions. Unfortunately, the sky kept sputtering out little droplets of rain every now and then, and they were getting a little damp.

"I am wondering..." Vlad murmured, "... what is first challenge?"

Patsy sighed. "Like, it could be _anything_! They never repeat the same challenge, though, so they probably won't be battling dragons and mermaids and shrubberies..."

The Bulgarian boy blinked. "Shrubberies?"

"Oh. Maybe that was a rumour... I swear Becky mentioned a Beauxbatons girl that was eaten by a plant of some sort..."

Vlad chuckled, a deep and reverberating sound. "Ja, ja. In time of Harry Potter." He seemed to be struggling for the English translation of something, and whispered to someone sitting nearby. This guy whispered something back. Finally, to the Gryffindor girl, Vlad said, "Not really eaten, no. Just swallowed. Trapped."

_Good grief_, thought Patsy. _Harry Potter must have had a heck of a time. Wasn't he, like, fourteen_?

McGonagall's voice, magnified by her wand, interrupted her thoughts. "Good afternoon, students of Hogwarts, Beauxbatons, Durmstrang..." She added, as if an afterthought, "and Boarwilds..."

Students cheered as their school name was called, but the Boarwilds students' calls sounded the most aggressive.

Having paused for the cheering to subside, McGonagall resumed her speech. "As you all should know, today marks the first challenge. Remember, the champions have nothing but their wands and their wits on hand. Behold!"

There was a flash of light, and the middle of the Quidditch field blurred. It became apparent that an illusion had been concealing something in the field.

"It's... a door?" Patsy whispered, bemused.

"Not just any door," guessed the boy who had helped Vlad with his English.

McGonagall's voice returned once more. "The Mirror of Erised was recently experimented on and... uh... _this_ was the result. It is no longer a mirror that shows you your deepest desires, but a passageway to where you can experience it all around you."

Patsy gasped. She vaguely recalled Eva babbling about writing an essay on the Mirror.

"Each champion will enter the aptly renamed Door to Erised and face this desire of theirs. It may be so wonderful that they will be unable to return. If this is the case, we have methods of getting them back, so do not worry." McGonagall cleared her throat, evidently nervous herself. "Inside the dream world, there will be another door that leads out. Each champion will have ten minutes to reach it. If this is not done, we will be forced to assume he has succumbed to his desires and will be disqualified from the next round."

"I wonder what Sven's deepest desire is..." Patsy mused. She pictured herself beckoning to him while sitting in a hot tub and wearing her favourite bikini, the blue and orange one. But before Sven could reach the tub, Brian Wilts appeared out of nowhere and offered her a Butterbeer. She quickly abandoned the vision and refocused on the field. It seemed the French girl had been chosen to go first.

Amelie Beauchamp strode toward the Door to Erised, her long black hair beautifully swishing from side to side. She paused just in front of the Door, and looked up at the crowd. Her gaze swept all around the seats, covering everyone, and yet Patsy had a feeling as though the girl had looked right at her. She knew everyone else felt the same way, too.

"Mademoiselle Beauchamp," McGonagall began, "when you hear the horn, step into the Door. You will have ten minutes."

With a bow of her pretty little head, Amelie pulled out her wand and waited.

The horn sounded - and what a horrible sound it was! Patsy looked around to find a very nervous-looking Hufflepuff cowering with the instrument.

When her gaze returned to the field, Amelie had gone.

*****

"And last but definitely not least, as I like to think, Hogwarts!" A giggling blonde reporter, who also happened to be a Hogwarts alumni, scribbled the last bits of her interview with the Bulgarian lad with her quill and fixed her eyes on Roderick. "How does it feel to be about to face your deepest, _darkest_ desires?" She licked her lips.

He collapsed on a chair, exhausted. "I haven't really thought about it all that much. Right now I'm upset because my sister is angry... I flirted with her friends... And she's in the hospital wing now because she's too afraid to watch me compete."

The reported jotted something down and beamed at him. "Your sister is important to you, I assume?"

"Very much so."

"That's sweet."

After the interview, Roderick staggered out into the Quidditch field. Savannah was just emerging from the Door to Erised, and she looked wild-eyed and sweaty. It must have been quite a fight to escape that which she wanted most.

The Hogwarts champion waited for McGonagall to announce him and stepped out of the shadows. He passed a smiling Amelie, who murmured encouragement, and a dancing Sven, who paused only to wink at him. Savannah merely smirked at his passing.

"Mr. Curd, when you hear the horn, step into the Door. You will have ten minutes."

There was a sound like a dying elephant, and Roderick dove into the shimmering surface of the Door.

The next thing he knew, he was seated in a throne of gold, holding the Triwizard Cup above his head. For a moment he wondered why 'Quadrawizard' wasn't scrawled on it, and then memory came back to him. It was only called that in reality. Here, in Erised, they hadn't marred the Cup with the Quadra-nonsense.

Sound came back to him as well, albeit slowly. He made out cheering, and he looked down to see Amelie at his feet. "I knew you could do it!" she told him, and then began whispering seductive-sounding things in French.

Penelope was there as well. "That's a pretty big cup you've got there," she said with a giggle. "It makes me want to head down to the Three Broomsticks... Only you won't have to slip Firewhisky into my drink like that Slytherin did to poor ickle Becky." She performed an exaggerated wink and giggled some more.

_This is my deepest desire?_ he wondered, frowning. _It's pretty simple. Glory and girls? And, quite frankly, this is a little on the disturbing side._

'A little' no longer did it justice. The reporter from before was now suspended from the ceiling, heralding his praises and wearing angel wings.

Just when he thought it couldn't get any stranger, Becky entered the scene. Her hair was no longer that horrid violet, and instead draped itself around her shoulders in its normal, lovely golden hue. She wore a white sun dress that, for some reason, was billowing around her as though there was a strong wind. Her hair went undisturbed.

_How many minutes have passed_? he wondered. He glanced around as if there would be a clock hanging in the emptiness. He could make out the glowing white door behind Becky. Easing himself from the throne, he handed the Cup to Penelope and said, "If you think it's so great, keep it."

"_Roderick..._" Becky breathed, stepping toward him.

"Ah, hello, sis!" He patted her awkwardly on the back and headed for the door.

"_Wait, Roderick! There is something I must say..._" She hurried to catch up to him and took his shoulders in her hands. "_Mother revealed it to me in a letter. She wanted me to tell you_."

Roderick figured he had some time left, so he slowed and looked at her. "What is it?"

She smiled. "_You're adopted. That's why you don't have the family hair. And it's also why you are so handsome, and I am so plain._"

He stared at her blankly. "Pardon?"

"_Surely you understand what this implies_?"

"It means that you are entitled to more time in the loo?" Roderick tried to joke. It came out more strangled than he intended.

Becky laughed in that creepily quiet way that girls did when boys couldn't understand them. "_You silly bloke._" She let go of his shoulders and walked around to face him. "_It means that your feelings aren't for-_"

"What?" Roderick spluttered. _Sister complex? I have _sister _complex?_

Her smile fell slightly. "_You _do_ have feelings, don't you, Ricky_?"

Now it was too much. Roderick couldn't answer her. He took her in his arms, but quickly wrenched his grasp from her, knowing he'd never let go if he didn't stop now. "Farewell, Becky of Erised!" he cried, and then plunged into the glowing door.

The last thing he saw before the light enveloped him was his sister. Crying.

**_A/N: Gack! Curses on you, inventor of essays! It has kept me from this Hogwarts madness for far too long. * sulk * Anyways, for those of you who thought, "What's goin' on here? So, this story is to be a BeckyxGilbert tale?" in the last chapter, you can see the error of your ways. And, do not fear. There will NOT be any BeckyxRoderick, 'cause that's just not cool. Who WILL Becky end up with? Only time will tell… * wiggles fingers *_**


	12. The Beautiful Monster

**_Summary: Rebecca Curd, Penelope Trimble, and many others are returning to Hogwarts. But what's this? A new school for witches and wizards has sprung up in Britain? Yes. Boarwilds aims to absorb Hogwarts, and already students are transferring. But proud students like Rebecca and Penelope aren't letting Hogwarts die so easily. With a new headmaster – sorry_, headmistress_, as well as a batch of new professors that range from awfully strict to seriously deluded, they're ready to do battle. Raging hormones and reawakened prejudices only add to the madness!_**

**_Joanne "Jo" Murray, otherwise known as J.K. Rowling, is both the twelfth richest woman in England and the owner of anything related to Harry Potter. I, sadly, am neither._**

**Chapter Twelve**

The Beautiful Monster

Penelope watched as Roderick staggered out of the Door to Erised. Her mind was only half on the challenge; she barely remembered if anyone had been disqualified. Instead, her focus was almost entirely on the boy to her left. She'd been watching Gilbert in the peripherals of her vision.

And, to her mass confusion, it seemed as though he'd been doing the same. Every now and then, they'd make eye contact and have a staring contest to see who'd back down first. Usually she won, but towards the end of their time together, Gilbert began to triumph.

McGonagall's voice echoed around the field. "All four of our champions have made it through the Door. Thus, all will take part in the next challenge." From where she sat, Penny could not see the headmistress's face, but she sensed it had turned grim due to the tone she used next: "Whatever you experienced inside, you are in no way obligated to speak of it. In fact, if you do choose to share, I'd prefer you kept it to those closest to you."

The students began rousing themselves and heading back to the school. Gilbert helped Penny up from benches and frowned. "I can't help but wonder what they saw in there."

Penny nodded. "Roderick will probably tell Becky. He really cares about her. And since she's got such loose lips..." She had to remember that she wasn't insulting Becky; the girl took great pride in her talkative ways. She'd apparently been very quiet and shy as a child. "I daresay I'll hear about it in the long run."

He laughed. "Well, in that case..." He stepped closer to her and then suddenly jumped back, a strange look on his face. "Er, that is... Good day, Penelope." With that, he shook her hand and stumbled off. _What in the name of Merlin's panties and matching bra set...?_

That night, when Becky was back from the hospital wing, the three girls sat alone in the common room. "He didn't tell me anything," the violet-haired lass muttered indignantly. "He walked in, said he'd survived and made it to the next round, and then left."

Penny frowned. _He didn't tell Becky? And he didn't even seem to want to see her... Gilbert and Roderick are both avoiding her now. Odd._ She couldn't take the pressure anymore. "Patsy, I sat with Malfoy today, just like you suggested."

Becky's eyes glanced her way. "Malfoy? Why ever did you do that?"

Patsy grinned. "I wanted her to spy on him. See what he's up to... Like, is he really on our side? Really against Boarwilds?"

"I think so..." Becky whispered. Then she grimaced. "Hey, _you_ cheered on Durmstrang!"

Before Penny could share the experience, the sound of the Fat Lady arguing with someone who must have forgotten the password. With a sigh, the brunette stood to go help the poor Gryffindor.

As the portrait swung open for her, Penny was surprised to recognise Amelie Beauchamp. It didn't make the surprise any less surprising that Amelie was wearing a slightly revealing, silver silk nightgown with only a loosely tied powder blue robe on top.

When she saw Penny, she beamed. Her beauty would have been more beautiful because of the smile, but Penny believed that more beauty was not possible on a human face. She found herself staring for a moment. Becky's voice popped up in her head: _Penny, are you on the turn?_

Never mind. Becky had actually said this out loud. The others had joined her at the door.

Amelie curtsied. "_S'il vous plait, mes amies!_ May I stay ze night 'ere?"

Patsy was stunned. "Why? Aren't you being treated like a celebrity down there?"

The French girl laughed. "Afraid so. Zey want to know everyzeeng that 'appened. My best friend was upset because I would not tell 'er my experience. I just wanted to get away from eet all..." She strode past them, into the Gryffindor common room.

"I'm not sure you're allowed in here," Penny began, but Amelie did not seem to hear.

The raven-topped beauty settled herself on the floor before the fireplace, her silken skirts circling around her. "Now, tell me. _Avez-vous entendu parler du beau monstre?_"

*****

Timothy Rean watched his friend carefully. Mude had been acting very strangely ever since Hogsmeade. "Mate, what's gotten into you?" he asked, chewing slowly on a mango.

"Huh?" Mude had been scowling at his reflection in a brass candlestick holder for at least five minutes. "I'm damn knackered, you halfwit."

Frowning, Rean shook his head. "You've been stuffed up in here since classes let out. Let's go for a walk, yeah?" He tossed his half-eaten mango over his shoulder, careless as to whether it landed in a trash bin or on a priceless art piece.

Mude looked as though he was about to turn back to his candlestick holder when he sighed and headed for the common room doors. "Very well..."

"I know you've been tossing and turning in your sleep at night, but you can't be like this just 'cause you're knackered," Rean persisted. "What's the real reason? Oh! That Gryffindor bird you were goin' to shag - is this about her?"

"No!" Mude bellowed, turning an alarming shade of fushia.

Rean grinned. "_And the truth will set you free_..."

"Shut it," his friend muttered, storming ahead.

The walk continued this way, with Rean pestering Mude with questions and the latter angrily flouncing away in a manly fashion. When they made it outside, Mude promptly lobbed an iceball into Rean's face.

Before Rean could return the favour, he spotted something shiny. His inner greed drew him to it instantly, but it was only a ball made of glass. He supposed it was pretty, but not worth much. He could throw it at Mude, perhaps.

"Blimey, what's that you've got there?" Mude marched up to his side.

Rean shrugged and squinted into it. It glittered with all sorts of colours, some he couldn't even name, and he could see something in the middle...

_Slytherin. I should have been placed in Slytherin like you, boy._

Startled, he nearly dropped the thing. "Bloody 'ell! Did you hear that, Mude?"

His friend frowned at him. "Uh, no...?"

_A young lad like you could be a big help to an elderly lady like me..._

Rean could see her now, a blurring image of an oddly disproportionate woman wearing a gown that rather appeared to be in need of repair. She didn't seem that old. "Is this a magic object?" he asked her.

_Of course. Now, would you mind releasing me from this orb?_

Mude was at his side. "And you thought that I was acting strangely..." He took the glass ball from Rean's hands and tossed it away.

"Wait!" the latter said, scrambling to his feet and retrieving it. "I've got to free her..."

The woman was smiling. He couldn't see her eyes as she wore a blindfold, but he supposed her face was elegant. _Thank you. You shall be rewarded._

Mude snatched the thing out of Rean's hands, and his eyes widened. "Wait, I see her now." He frowned at the woman, and then nodded, and then frowned again.

"What's she saying?" Rean leaned forward in time to hear her next words:

_Yes, those are the real words. The wizard who sealed me inside was quite daft._

"Very well," Mude said. "Here goes: _In the name of Merlin's bedpan, I release you_."

_You are most gracious. Remember, I shall reward you._ Just as she finished speaking, the glass ball shuddered, and a great crack split through it. Mude dropped it as though it was hot.

"Lady?" Rean called. He hadn't expected an answer, and he didn't receive one.

*****

"Pardon me?" Becky asked, cocking her head to one side. Her French was horrible, and it was only fitting, seeing as she was English and Hogwarts did not have a French class.

Amelie winced. "Ah, _mon dieu_. Forgeeve me. I said, 'ave you 'eard of ze beautiful monster?"

The three Gryffindors exchanged glances. "I can't say we have," Penny finally replied.

"Well, as Madam Maxime says ze legends say, zere was a most beautiful lady zat was een Ravenclaw long ago. At least a generation before Voldemort, you know. She was _très_ clever and _très, très_... kind." She paused as if wondering if she had translated correctly, and then returned her gaze to the three girls. "But when she left 'Ogwarts, somezeeng... changed. She became am- ambitious, and saying she wanted to become 'eadmistress. She tried to run Albus Dumbledore out of office.

"One night, after a third attack on 'Ogwarts, she just... disappeared. Never to be seen again een ze flesh, you know. But some say she appeared to them... Een dreams, and often een a small glass orb." She smiled. "Eezn't zat most... most foolish?"

Becky gulped. "Wh- what made you decide to bring that up?"

Amelie's eyes glittered. "Eet eez because I heard of Penny's experience with ze boggart!"

The brunette sat up abruptly in response. "What? What does this have to do with..." She trailed off, frowning. "That woman I saw was...?"

"_Mais oui_," Amelie agreed, her smile fading.

Patsy let out a gasp. "Wait... Remember that thing I bought in Hogsmeade? I saw some lady in there who called it her orb and told me to, like, back off."

Amelie's eyes widened. "Did she have... black 'air, a too thin waist, and a strange gown?"

"Like my boggart?" Penny whispered with fright.

The Canadian looked at her hands. "Well... I didn't get the greatest look at her, but..." She glanced at Becky, her eyes wide. The violet-haired Gryffindor felt the same fear, but could only give the girl a reassuring, albeit weak, smile. "She did seem to match that description. I think."

Amelie sucked in a breath of air. "Zen... eet eez true?!"

"Where is that orb, anyway?" Becky asked. She immediately felt it was necessary to get rid of that thing, and fast!

Patsy slipped upstairs to their rooms and returned with a pale face. "I must have forgotten it outside when I showing it to you guys the other day..."

"Zat zeeng must not get eento ze wrong hands!" Amelie cried.

*****

Ninian peered into the hospital wing, knowing and not caring that he came well after visiting hours. "Madam Pomfrey?" he whispered hoarsely.

A grandmotherly face came into view. Old Madam Pomfrey relied heavily on her own cures to keep her going; most were aware of this and pitied her. However, Poppy Pomfrey was not to be pitied and continued to be the strict but kind-hearted healer for many years. "Excuse me, young man, but you know very well that it is-!"

"Yes, I _do_ know very well what the time is. I just wanted to give something to Becky." He procured a bouquet of blueish purple flowers from the pockets of his robe, mysteriously unsquashed. "Please don't let her know who they are from. I came late so no one would see me."

"I see," the witch said evenly. "However, I must inform you that she is no longer here."

Ninian sighed. "Never mind, then."

"Rebecca Curd, young man, has a heart that is easily broken. She is very sensitive and extremely emotional. Do be careful in your pursuits."

"P-pursuits?!" the Ravenclaw boy spluttered. "I was merely being friendly! I..."

A small smile twitched on Pomfrey's lips. "My dear boy, I can recognise a developing flame when I see one. I am well versed in romance." She chuckled at what must have been an inside joke and then gestured at the bouquet. "Primroses? 'Young love,' I believe."

Ninian froze. No wonder Isadora has suggested primroses! He winced.

The witch merely patted his shoulder. "I wish you luck. I may be mistaken, but I believe she was telling me all about one Gilbert Malfoy stealing a snog." She winked at his stricken expression and very gently shut the hospital wing door.

**_A/N: So very, very sorry! This was supposed to be up BEFORE New Year's Day, but after some very crazy (good crazy) events, the final work of this here chapter was pushed back to now. __ Unfortunately. Anyways, here it is now! Soon Gilbert's confusion will be solved, and Ninian will make more appearances… I sort of forgot about him. D: I swear I mentioned him in one of the last couple of chapters, but I read through them and I, well, didn't. Bad Alicornia. P.S. If anyone would like to correct my horrible French, you are more than welcome to do so! Did you enjoy my interpretation of how to spell English words in a French accent? XD_**


	13. Charity Price

**_Summary: Rebecca Curd, Penelope Trimble, and many others are returning to Hogwarts. But what's this? A new school for witches and wizards has sprung up in Britain? Yes. Boarwilds aims to absorb Hogwarts, and already students are transferring. But proud students like Rebecca and Penelope aren't letting Hogwarts die so easily. With a new headmaster – sorry_, headmistress_, as well as a batch of new professors that range from awfully strict to seriously deluded, they're ready to do battle. Raging hormones and reawakened prejudices only add to the madness!_**

**_I own the world of Harry Potter and Hogwarts about the same amount as I own a platypus farm. Which is 0%, to my sincere disappointment._**

**_In case you don't know, HP is all J.K. Rowling's._**

**Chapter Thirteen**

Charity Price

The next morning, Gilbert was exhausted. Rean had been whispering something excitedly to him last night, and though he paid little attention to the boy, it was still impossible to sleep through. Slipping out of breakfast early, the youngest Malfoy now lay in the snow. The cool air felt lovely, and it helped him awaken fully.

"Malfoy."

Startled, the blonde boy dug frantically in his coat pockets for his wand. When the owner of the voice loomed into view, he relaxed slightly. It was only Roderick Curd. No need to jump about on his behalf. "What?"

"About Rebecca..." the older boy said, stopping a few paces away. "I give my consent."

Gilbert couldn't help the laugh that burst forth from his throat. "You give your 'consent'? What is this? Forgive me if I'm wrong, but is it not the choice of the woman in this day and age?"

Roderick scowled. "Just... get her away from me. Please."

The Slytherin boy sat up quickly. "Alright, Curd. I'll bite. What the hell is this about?"

If Gilbert hadn't known any better, he'd have sworn the Hogwarts Champion was crying. "It's nothing... I'd just like you to... Merlin, must I explain this to you further?"

"You aren't explaining it at all."

Roderick's scowled deepened. "You're the last person I would explain this to, Malfoy. Now, are you going to claim my sister or not?"

"Claim?" Gilbert frowned. "What'd I say about the day and age, Roddy?"

With a grunt of frustration, the Gryffindor boy launched himself at the other and they tumbled into the snow. "Fine! You want to know, Snake Boy? When I was inside that bloody Door to Erised, having my bloody glimpse into my desire, the bloody Becky imposter was purring that we weren't actually related and that our bloody romance wasn't forbidden!"

Gilbert stared at him in wonder. "Wait, what?"

Roderick tugged at his hair, as if only just realising that he had spilled his guts. There was another round of ranting and bloody's. Finally, he looked Gilbert in the eye. "Merlin, I never knew until now. I've got sister complex. That's why I'm always bothering Becky's friends. I'm trying to find someone like her."

"You've been pursuing the wrong people in confusion..." Gilbert murmured. _Now, doesn't _that_ sound familiar?_ "I must confess that I am in the same boat as you." When the other boy glanced up, wide-eyed, Gilbert continued, "I do not love your sister. It was all one big misunderstanding. When we met... ah... one day, and she had her skirt down - with tights! _Tights_! - I felt strange. I thought it meant I was feeling a flame for her.

"I see now that the weird feeling wasn't infatuation. I'm in love with Penelope Trimble. I felt uncomfortable seeing Becky in... that state, because it was as though I was betraying Penny. It's stupid, really. I didn't realise it at the time - so, next I know, I am snogging Becky out of haste. Soon she's confused, Penny thinks I'm not interested in her, and you are trying to rid yourself of Becky on me!"

Roderick took a startled step backward. "You're sure this is true?"

Gilbert grinned. "I love Penny Trimble, and Bob's your uncle!"

"Well, that'll stop me from pestering Penny, then." Roderick sighed. "What'll I do with Rebecca?"

"I'm sure you'll find someone like Rebecca. Let's see... she's kooky... Hey! What about Lendy?"

"Shut it."

*****

Licking her lips, Savannah watched the Hogwarts boy exit the Great Hall and turn in the general direction of the Slytherin dormitory. _He's got the taint of the orb on him, that's for certain._ She peeled herself from the wall and crept along behind him, catlike in her stealth.

Just as he was about to reach the door to the Slytherin common room, Savannah deliberately made a scuffing noise with her feet and watched him jump to face her.

"Sarah?" he muttered, frowning and looking around them. They were alone.

Savannah did her best not to snarl. "My name is Savannah Webb, Mr. Mude." She stepped closer to him, smiling as innocently as her face permitted.

Jeremy regarded her warily. "It's a little cold in the dungeons for that outfit."

She was still wearing the attire from her earlier training: boyshort-length spandex bottoms, athletic sweater with nothing much underneath and the zipper pulled low, thigh-high stockings, and boots. "I'm fine. In fact, I'm still perspiring."

He nodded distractedly and edged toward the door.

"You're not fooling me, Jeremy," she snapped. "I know very well the things you'd like to do to me."

A smirk was her answer, as well as a mutter of, "Like smite you in the nose?"

Savannah ignored this. "Things didn't work out with that girl, huh? Well, at least you've made it with another woman."

"You?" he asked with an incredulous laugh. "What kind of pick-up line was-?"

"It wasn't a pick-up line!" she seethed. "The woman in the orb! Her name is Charity Price! You freed her from the final orb. I freed her from one, too. And so did Headmaster Allcock. She's far more powerful than that pansy, Voldemort. Do you understand how much power is available to you?"

He looked at her, surprised. "You know about that?"

"I can smell it on you," Savannah replied smugly. "Can't you smell it on me?"

"I guess."

"If we become allies, we can help Lady Price in her quest. She wants to control all of England, and then maybe the world." She stated it as though commenting on dinner. "She already has all of Boarwilds in her hands. And soon Boarwilds will absorb Hogwarts."

"Blimey," Jeremy breathed. "And you're fine with this?"

Savannah frowned. _Why can't he see her great plan yet?_ "You'll soon understand. How long has it been since you freed Lady Price?"

"Uh... Not even twelve hours."

Her frown disappeared as quickly as it had come. "Ah. That explains everything. You'll see later tonight." She grinned and walked away, ensuring proper swing was in her hips.

*****

Ninian frowned up at the board in front of his face. It proclaimed the date of the next challenge in the Quadrawizard tournament, but didn't give a hint as to what it involved. _Quadrawizard_... he muttered internally. _Bloody Boarwilds._

"Roderick hasn't bothered me at all today," a familiar voice said from down the corridor.

Rebecca and her friends came around the corner, causing Ninian's instant duck through a doorway. "Seriously?" Rebecca replied. "I can't help but wonder what that's all about."

"Maybe he found someone else to bother instead of you, Penny." That must be Patsy.

Penelope sighed. "Whatever the case, I am immensely relieved. Though he may have been extremely handsome, he was a nuisance. No offence, Becks."

"None taken." They were passing the doorway where Ninian stood now, so he could see the grin on Rebecca's face. It was clear she found her brother a nuisance, too.

Suddenly, the violet-haired girl's gaze met his own. He froze, trying to disappear in the darkness of the classroom (or whatever room it was he happened to have jumped into). Unfortunately, she stopped and beamed at him. "Why, hello Ninian!"

He tried to loosen up a little and stepped forward. "Ah! I see you are bright and early out of the hospital wing."

Her brow creased as she sighed. "This is all an illusion. I'm still trapped there." She couldn't hold her face straight for long though, and soon they were both laughing. Rebecca grabbed his hand and pulled him out into the corridor. Penelope and Patsy seemed to have just realised that she was no longer walking with them and were hurrying back toward them.

Penelope glanced between the two of them and raised an eyebrow. "Coming, Becks?"

"You girls go on ahead. I haven't spoken to Ninny in _so_ long." They looked slightly reluctant, but continued down the corridor. Rebecca watched them leave and then turned back to him. "So. I've missed quite a bit of class..." She laughed nervously.

Ninian smiled. "Don't worry. I'd be freaking out, too, if Isadora was daft enough to stick her name in the Cup... and if she was old enough," he added as an afterthought.

"I do wonder what the next challenge will be," the Gryffindor girl murmured, unconsciously playing with her hair. "I hope it will be like the first, where there is no chance of him dying. Something that involves your brain more than your brawn."

"I doubt it. They try to make the challenges differ greatly from each other." He regretted it the moment it left his mouth as her face fell. "Or... maybe it will be similar."

She sighed. "It's no use. I'll probably have another nervy b. Or go _completely_ ballisticisimus."

"Is that from those weird novels you and Penelope read?"

A smile finally graced her face once more. "You know it." She started forward, glancing back at him. "Well, come on. Let's go for a stroll."

Ninian was only too eager to accept the invitation. "So… I heard that you and Malfoy were an item," he began as calmly as possible. "Is that a fact?"

"You heard that?" Rebecca asked, an incredulous look on her face. "Where?"

"The lads talk," he said quickly.

She laughed, violet waves dancing around her face. "And they say girls are the gossipers. I can assure you of its falseness. Sorry to squelch such a juicy rumour."

"Don't be sorry," Ninian replied, only just hiding the massive grin that was attempting to tear his face in half.

*****

"_Merlin's sex tape_!" Mude screamed. He toppled over into the snow and began writhing. There was an unbearable pain burning in his head. He felt as though that bloody Boarwilds slag was kicking his brain.

Then, as suddenly as it began, it was over.

"Cor," he murmured. He felt wider awake than he had all day. Plus he had an uncontrollable urge to sneak into Snape's office and steal some ingredients...

**_A/N: Excellent! I managed to submit a chapter not long after the last one I sent! This is a development for the better. Anyway… At last, the plot takes off a little more! I do hope this little story doesn't turn into a 100 chapter epic-length novel. (sigh) I shall try to rein it in around 25. xD And Ninian makes a little bit more of an appearance… Trust Alicornia to forget her own character's lover… Oops! What I meant to say is, Becky Curd is not based off of me at all. Not in any way, shape, or form. And if you think Penny Trimble is a fictional version of Crystal Cayden (with wavier hair), you are completely mad. (shifty eyes)_**


	14. First Appearance of the Polyjuice Potion

**_Summary: Rebecca Curd, Penelope Trimble, and many others are returning to Hogwarts. But what's this? A new school for witches and wizards has sprung up in Britain? Yes. Boarwilds aims to absorb Hogwarts, and already students are transferring. But proud students like Rebecca and Penelope aren't letting Hogwarts die so easily. With a new headmaster – sorry_, headmistress_, as well as a batch of new professors that range from awfully strict to seriously deluded, they're ready to do battle. Raging hormones and reawakened prejudices only add to the madness!_**

**_If I owned anything regarding HP or Hogwarts, I would be ridiculously happy._**

**_I am not _ridiculously_ happy (even with chocolate milk)._**

**_Therefore, I do not own anything regarding HP or Hogwarts. :P_**

**Chapter Fourteen**

First Appearance of the Polyjuice Potion

"Patsy of Canada!"

The aforementioned Gryffindor sighed inwardly. When was he going to quit that? "Hello, Sven!" she replied brightly. "I see you are in your Durmstrang training uniform. The next challenge is, like, today, isn't it?

The Bulgarian lad grinned. "Yeah, and my waiting is not able!"

_Not this again!_ Patsy forced a smile onto her face. Sven was endearingly brave and courteous, but the language barrier was a little exhausting. "Do you know what's happening?"

"Nah, but it will require strength!" he stated proudly, flexing his muscles.

Staring at them, the redhead momentarily forgot why he annoyed her. "Ah... I see... I think you'll do just fine." She giggled nervously and fidgeted with her blouse's collar.

Sven beamed and enveloped her in yet another bear hug. "I'll listen for your cheers!"

Watching his retreating backside, Patsy scolded herself for the way she appraised his form so thoroughly. To her dismay, she couldn't find anything wrong with him, physically.

"There yas are!" a perky British voice squealed from behind her. Becky was at her side in an instant, following her line of sight. "You've got yourself a wonderful catch, there."

Patsy flushed. "Well... Like, what about you? You've got Ninian to take to the dance."

Her fellow Gryffindor grinned mischievously. "Indeed. In all truth, I did not see that coming. I suspected he might have been a little _fond_, but..."

"Ohhf! Just 'cause he asked to the dance doesn't mean he's, like, _totally_ into you."

Becky hunched her shoulders and stuck out her tongue. "Just as well. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about him."

There came the sound of a slamming door, and Penny stormed into the scene, her black robes swirling about her. "Becky! Oh, thank the spittle of Merlin's hounds!"

Patsy and Becky exchanged glances. "What's happened?" the latter asked hesitantly.

"It's Roderick... He hurt his ankle and was sent to the hospital wing... But that's not it!" she added hastily. "When Pomfrey came back from checking her office, he was gone! He's been missing since midday!"

_Oh, hell_, Patsy thought with a sigh. _Just what Becky needs_.

"I don't understand... How quickly could he get away with an injured ankle?" Becky asked with a surprising, or perhaps frightening, calm.

Penny looked strangely pale for someone who _didn't_ have a missing brother. "Also..."

"What?" Patsy asked, exasperated. "Spit it out, for the love of pants!"

It wasn't enough to even crack a smile from her friend. "They had to elect a replacement Hogwarts student for the challenge today... And the name surprised us all." She swallowed. "Despite the fact that he is underage, the cup chose... Gilbert Malfoy."

*****

McGonagall peered down at him and crumpled the parchment in her fist. "I suppose you think this is funny?"

Gilbert knew he should be feeling immense pleasure from this great honour, but it was a little hard to feel happy with those eyes boring into him. "Ah..."

"Let him alone, Minerva," Professor Armsby said quietly. "Is this not just like Potter's time? Someone put his name in there, to try and get him hurt. It's probably the same with Malfoy here."

"Someone wants me hurt?" Gilbert asked, trying to sound strong, though the last word came out higher pitched than he intended. "But who?"

"I don't know, Malfoy," McGonagall said tiredly. It was not often one could tell just how old the powerful woman was... Then again, how old _was_ she? She could be past one hundred for all he knew. "Unfortunately, I called your name out as the new Hogwarts champion. A major portion of the student body witnessed this... I cannot stop it."

The Slytherin boy ran a hand through his hair, the hair that was a perfect blend of his father's ice blonde and his mother's auburn. Strawberry blonde sounded a bit girly for a lad, but the colour suited him fine. _Merlin's picnic! I'm thinking about my_ hair_ at a time like this?!_

"Very well, Headmistress," Gilbert said, his inner emotions warring. He was delighted to have such a position bestowed upon him, but if someone wanted him injured...

Out in the corridors, he thought about finding Penelope. She'd probably have a somewhat sensible solution to the problem, and then smirk and suggest jokingly that he'd hired one of his older house mates to put his name in for him. He smiled wryly.

He encountered someone else instead: a very timid Brian Wilts. "Malfoy. You're friends with Miss Trimble, right?"

"That's one way to put it," Gilbert replied quietly.

Brian smiled slightly. "Right. Well. I thought of asking her to the dance, you know, because she and I are friends I guess, and the girl I originally thought of is already taken... But I'm too nervous to ask her. I tried to get Eva to do it, but she called me a pansy."

The Slytherin inhaled sharply. "And how do I come into this?"

"I'm getting there! I have a bottle of Polyjuice Potion -"

"You went rooting around in _Armby's closet?_"

"No! Today a bottle was found lying around the corridors with a mysterious substance in it. That know-it-all Weasley girl took one sniff and pronounced it as Polyjuice." He dug it out of his robes.

"And...?" Gilbert was beginning to tire of Wilts's long-windedness.

The Hufflepuff took a deep breath. "I want you to put my hair into it and drink it. And... and then ask Penny out for me."

"_What?_" This was most distressing. Gilbert couldn't offer any excuse for why he wouldn't want Brian to take Penelope, and as he had accidentally said yes to Lori the Slag's invitation, he couldn't take her himself. "Well, I..."

"Please?" Brian asked, his bright blue eyes growing puppy-like.

_Better Brian than some creepy bloke. And besides, Brian isn't after her heart._ He sighed. "I'll do it." In one swift motion, he grabbed the bottle and yanked a hair from Brian's head.

*****

With a heavy sigh, Minerva sank into the plush velvet seat of her office's chair. _He disappears just in time for the second challenge. Where in the name of Circe's wrinkled petticoats could he possibly have gone? An injured man cannot move that quickly._ Poppy had made it quite clear that she had stepped into her office for a mere five seconds before returning to find herself lacking a ward.

Doily, her darling house elf, crept out of her room and approached the witch cautiously. "Mistress, Doily brought tea. Mistress?"

Minerva numbly gestured to her desk. "Oh, Doils. Whatever will I do now?"

The house elf set the tray of tea on the desk and frowned. "Mistress? Doily does not understand. What is your problem?"

"Oh, I shouldn't trouble you. You wouldn't be able to fix it anyhow."

Doily's eyes grew wide. "Doily has _failed_ to be an assistance? Oh, Mistress! Forgive me! I shall punish myself twice as hard to-!"

The headmistress's hand clamped on the house elf's mouth, cutting her off. "That will not be necessary, dear." She let go to stare at the gilded ceiling. "One of our students has gone missing in a strange fashion. I... I fear Hogwarts may not be safe. Yet again."

The house elf poured her a cup of tea and then glanced at the clock. She gave a start and nearly dropped the pot. "Mistress! Oh, do look at the time!"

Minerva's gaze dropped to the clock and she gasped. "It's time for the second challenge already? Doily, do be a dear and fetch me my cloak and hat!"

"Yes, Mistress!" she squeaked happily. House elves like simple requests like this.

As she dressed for the cool weather, Minerva turned to the portrait of Albus Dumbledore. Biting her lip, she whirled away quickly, ashamed. _Forgive me, Albus. I have failed you._ A foolish feeling overcame her, and she almost bashed a book on her forehead like Doily often did when her mistress wasn't quick enough to stop her. _Bad Minny! Bad Minny!_

_**A/N: Whoa, this chapter is actually shorter than the ones I've been submitting lately. I guess I may be learning the art of brevity… "Brevity is the soul of wit," as Billy Shakespeare would say. If this continues, I may find myself able to write a short story that is actually under ten pages… (good times in writer's craft… poor teacher…)** _


	15. The Second Challenge

**_Summary: Rebecca Curd, Penelope Trimble, and many others are returning to Hogwarts. But what's this? A new school for witches and wizards has sprung up in Britain? Yes. Boarwilds aims to absorb Hogwarts, and already students are transferring. But proud students like Rebecca and Penelope aren't letting Hogwarts die so easily. With a new headmaster – sorry_, headmistress_, as well as a batch of new professors that range from awfully strict to seriously deluded, they're ready to do battle. Raging hormones and reawakened prejudices only add to the madness!_**

**_There are two things you must know before proceeding:_**

**_Harry Potter/Hogwarts belong to J.K. Rowling_**

**_Draco Malfoy is sexy (this one's for you, cuz!)_**

**Chapter Fifteen**

The Second Challenge

The air was positively frigid. Penny snuggled deeper into her coat and fidgeted with her Gryffindor scarf. Headmaster Allcock of Boarwilds was still ranting at the headmistress, and McGonagall was looking unfazed. His demands that Savannah go first in the second challenge - despite the arranged plan for all four to go at once - were not to be acknowledged by her, Madam Maxime, or Headmaster Topanov. The three school leaders sat clustered together, whilst Allcock sat alone a little further down the bench, fuming.

_Allcock is up to something sinister_, Penny mused. _I'm sure of it._

It finally quieted down, and Becky and Patsy continued the silly game they were playing - one that involved feeling each other's faces with wooden spoons. Penny, however, was unable to sit at ease like the others. Malfoy - Gilbert! - was taking his place beside the older champions.

His eyes found her in the stands, and she struggled to put a reassuring smile on her face. It was almost impossible - how could she encourage him when she was shaking uncontrollably? Or perhaps that was only because Becky was prodding her with a spoon at the moment.

Gilbert ran a hand through his hair - a rather sexy move, Penny thought - and turned away with a small smile. Savannah seemed to taunt him and laugh cruelly, while Amelie merely smiled and nodded at something he said. Sven, meanwhile, was leaping about and babbling in Bulgarian, startling a small MoM witch, in for supervision, who was sitting too close.

"What's the event gonna be, do ya think?" Patsy asked. They had been staring at the empty Quidditch field for quite a while now.

Professor Cassell strode up beside McGonagall and amplified his voice with his wand. "Greetings, students!" he called cheerily, smiling at a few Ravenclaw girls who had the misfortune of being seated by the professors' box. "Do to improvements in magical spells, it no longer takes us a great amount of time to build a maze in the field. We needn't interrupt Quidditch teams' practice, now do we?"

The different teams cheered at this, and from the present Quidditch champions, the Hufflepuffs, there was also a round of "here, here!"s and some energetic badger sounds.

"So, without further ado..." The young professor waved his wand dramatically (losing the amplifier effect in the process and thus cutting off the rest of his speech), and the ground in the middle of the field began to shudder. The snow spewed up in great puffs, and it was evident that the surface of the field was changing, growing here and shrinking there. Soon, Penny could see the maze it had formed.

"Now, this maze is a lot different from the one in Harry Potter's time, champions. You can't call him up and ask for pointers."

Someone snorted from behind Penny. "You can't call him for any reason," Lily Potter muttered (and this is of course Harry's daughter and not mother). "He only accepts letters - and he won't let me get a spell phone." (LMAO, lamest pun in the book)

The professor wasn't finished. "Our champions must walk through the ever changing maze to find a bronze statue of an animal that represents them. Mr. Malfoy, you are to find the cat." Penny had to smile a little at Gilbert's expression. "Miss Beauchamp, the doe is yours. Mr. Ivanov, you are the bull. And finally... Miss Webb, seek the python."

"Oo-er!" Becky whispered.

At his command, the four champions moved to different openings in the maze. Gilbert's entrance was the farthest, and thus he had to pass the other three. Amelie gave him a miniature hug, Sven pounded fists with him (which looked rather painful on Gilbert's end), and Savannah tripped him into the dirt.

The Slytherins gave a collective hiss (seriously), and the other houses seemed to chuckle to themselves. "Serves 'im right, the bloody Slytherin," one of the lads said, behind Penny. She coloured and looked at her hands. _The poor thing._

Gilbert was on his feet again, dusting off his pants and ignoring the jeers from his schoolmates. They seemed to realise they were taunting their own champion and shut up abruptly.

He gave one last glance at the stands and, although Penny couldn't see his face well enough to be sure, seemed to lock eyes with her one last time. With a nod, he disappeared into the maze.

Sporting numerous scrapes and bruises, a rather impressive cut along his eyebrow, and a new-found dislike of penguins, Gilbert burst into another clearing. It was the same one. "Newt nungas," he muttered, and then blushed. That was something Penny had said when she'd dropped her books in class one day. A strange curse. He liked it.

Wait. It _wasn't_ the exact same clearing. There was a long, curved, and bronze pole sticking out of the pile of rubble in the middle. _Is that the python? Who made this thing? I'd better hide it out of sight so _she_ won't get it._ But creeping closer, he realised his mistake. That wasn't the whole statue - the rest was buried. Picking up rocks and brushing away dirt and grass, he gave a jolt. It was a tail. The _cat's_ tail.

He yanked it out of the rubble and admired the way his handsome face was reflected in the metal. "Magical badgers! What, has it even been ten minutes?" He stood staring at it a moment longer and then frowned. What was he supposed to do now?

Fortunately, he was spared such a dilemma, as the cat began to glow. The light emitted by the statue became too much for his eyes to handle. He looked away, first squinting and then blocking his eyes with his upper arm.

When it was safe to look again, he was in a room. A lavishly decorated, spacious, and altogether unfamiliar room. He settled into a chair with confusion. _Is this when Voldemort pops out of the Egyptian carpet, says 'Surprise!', and kills me?_

There was a flash of light and then Amelie was sprawled on the floor with her doe. "Ah, _non_! You got here first?"

_Ker-smackitty-blam_. Sven staggered into view, shaking his head and dropping the bull on his foot. The tough Bulgarian barely seemed to notice. He looked at Gilbert and Amelie, paused to do some mathematics in his head, and then grinned. "I am not last! Hah! And _she_ is. Hah!"

"Think again, you halfwits." Savannah stepped into view... wearing a floor length gold ball gown. While Amelie's eyes went starry, Gilbert's forehead scrunched up in confusion.

"Pardon me, but why are you wearing a dress?"

Savannah waved a hand dismissively. "Because it is cool in here. Nudity would not do." She smirked and marched toward them. Even in a dress, she could not stand to be dainty. "Anyways, Lady Price was... tinkering with the portkeys that led you back to start of the maze. Instead, they brought you to the Thornton summer estate."

"_Lori's_ house?!" Gilbert exclaimed, nearly falling out of his seat. "Why?"

Lori and Mude walked into the room. "Because I freed Lady Price from an orb," the former announced proudly.

"And who in the name of elderberry jam stains is Lady Price?"

Mude glowered. "Only the most beautiful woman in this world, the one who was clever enough to corrupt the portkeys."

"She copied Voldemort, for Merlin's sake," Gilbert pointed out flatly.

A swishing of skirts was heard. "Voldemort. Ha! _I'm_ the one who told him what to do. And he failed every bloody time!" A woman more frightening than Gilbert's mother when she was angry floated into view. Floated? It seemed so. "Besides, geniuses needn't be original, if it gets the job done. Greetings, young Malfoy. You look so much like your father."

He assumed this was the mysterious 'Lady Price', what with the way Savannah was kneeling. But before she could introduce herself, there was a fourth - and final - burst of light, and Penelope Trimble rolled into the room, slightly bruised and singed, missing most of her blouse, and holding a bronze python.

Brian waved good-bye to Patsy and watched her rush after her friends. He smiled. She really was a sweet girl, once he began to understand her. The Canadian version of their English was strange.

"Wilts."

Brian nearly leapt out of his skin. "Bloody hell! Malfoy?"

The strawberry blonde boy silenced him with a glance. His hair was dishevelled, his faced was nicely bruised and cut, and he had a haunted look in his eyes.

"Whoa, what happened to you in there?" the Hufflepuff asked hesitantly.

Gilbert sighed. "Where to begin? An adolescent dragon very nearly had a barbecue, one of those freaky mermaid things tried to drown me... Oh, and I discovered Voldemort's mentor is working with Savannah and my date for the Quadrawizard ball to take over the world."

"What?!" Brian hollered.

"Yessir, jolly good fun." The Slytherin kept glancing around nervously. "Anyways, about this Polyjuice Potion idea of yours." He withdrew the potion from his robes.

"Oh. Do you want to do it right now?"

The boy smirked. "I could. But first I want to make sure you understand something." He tucked the potion back inside. "Do you know just how good a person Penelope is?"

Brian felt his face go red. "She's... She's a good person. I mean, she seems to be just as kind as Patsy... Er... She does well in class, and she's very... imaginative." He chose these words carefully, as there was a dangerous glint in Gilbert's eyes.

However, they weren't chosen carefully enough. The taller boy grabbed him by the shirt collar and thrust him up against the wall. "You know nothing!" he snarled. "Penelope might have saved my _life_ today! She saw I'd found my statue when the blast of light shot over the maze walls... and when I didn't appear outside, she _ran into the maze._"

Between his struggling breaths, Brian was unable to comment.

And, in any case, the boy wasn't finished. "The dragon nearly killed her, too. But she found Savannah's statue and followed us... Savannah just cheated and travelled there with Lori... She brought me back. Sven and Amelie, too. She's in the special level spell-casting class with Rebecca - she knew a counter spell for portkeys that have been buggered with. _She brought us back_." His breath was ragged and heavy.

"I..." Now the Hufflepuff was absolutely terrified. "I see."

Gilbert sneered. "I hope so. Now tell me: do you deserve a girl who'd risk her life like that? Just for a cretin (albeit a sexy one) like me?"

"N-no," Brian answered safely. "I, well, just understood that she didn't have a date, and... I didn't want her to have to go alone."

"Unfortunately for me," Gilbert muttered, "my date is a brainwashed twit." He sighed, pulled out the potion once more, and uncapped the lid.

Brian winced. It was going to be disturbing to see the Slytherin morph into him. He felt a little sick, but also insatiably curious.

Gilbert downed the potion in one big gulp. Licking his lips, he said thoughtfully, "You taste like blueberries. Sweet, but with a dull metallic hint as well. How fitting." He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I guess it means you could be a lot of fun, but you let your seriousness get in the way."

Just as he finished this, his nose began to change its shape. His skin and hair darkened, his eyes became blue, and soon there were two Brian Wiltses standing in the middle of the corridor. They quickly shuffled out of sight.

"You look great," Brian said weakly, trying to alleviate the mood with humour.

Brian #2 laughed. "Anyways, what would you like me to say to her, coward?"

_Coward. That's what Eva thought of me, too. Merlin's pipe, I'm asking another bloke to ask a girl to the dance for me. Damn!_ "Wait," he began. "Maybe... maybe this isn't such a good idea. I mean, maybe I should... you know... be the one to..." He flushed.

"Good sport, mate," Brian #2 said with a mischievous grin. "You run along and face Penelope like a man, and I'll..." He looked down at his morphed body. "Go stir up trouble."

"Y-you wouldn't!" the Hufflepuff wailed. "Oh, please!"

"Fine. Just let me talk to Eva and her friends and see if they notice any difference. That will be your payment for making me do... this." He winked and, without waiting for an answer, strode away down the corridor.

**_A/N: Every time I finish a chapter, I'm impatient to get it on the site, so I'm always tempted to just put it up, thinking, "Surely there aren't many problems." But thank goodness I read over them anyways… "Spell phone" = lamest pun in the book. I'm sorry. It won't happen again. (fingers crossed…) OK, so, this chapter was totally supposed to be on the website during my exam break… But I was so mentally exhausted after the horrific history exam that I literally had a mental crash for a couple of weeks. Thank God I have art, media arts, and religion this semester, or I'd not be an A student, I can tell you _that_! Anyways, I am now feeling much better, so I delved back into the world of cheesy Gilb[x]Penny moments… I feel I have neglected poor Rebecca, who is _still not_ based off of me in any way…_**


	16. The Quadrawizard Ball

**_Summary: Rebecca Curd, Penelope Trimble, and many others are returning to Hogwarts. But what's this? A new school for witches and wizards has sprung up in Britain? Yes. Boarwilds aims to absorb Hogwarts, and already students are transferring. But proud students like Rebecca and Penelope aren't letting Hogwarts die so easily. With a new headmaster – sorry_, headmistress_, as well as a batch of new professors that range from awfully strict to seriously deluded, they're ready to do battle. Raging hormones and reawakened prejudices only add to the madness!_**

**_For those of you under the impression that I own anything Harry Potter related:_**

**_FOOLS! (It belongs to dear ol' J.K. Rowling. :D)_**

**Chapter Sixteen**

The Quadrawizard Ball

The headmistress's eyes were haunted as Penny exited her office. Across the farther down the corridor, Becky watched the two women, exchanging worried glances with Patsy. Penny hadn't told them much when she'd joined them after the second challenge. She'd murmured something about the woman the boggart had changed into - Charity Price - but that was all.

"Jeez," Patsy said suddenly. "She, like, saved that stupid blonde boy's life, and he _still_ doesn't ask her to the dance." She sniffed disdainfully.

Becky grinned. "_Someone_ sounds like she's jealous."

Patsy feigned surprise - but then, she was a terrible actress, and her friend wasn't fooled one bit. "Becky! Jealous? Like, whatever do you mean?"

The violet-haired girl sashayed forward. "Hmm... Perhaps it had something to do with a certain Hufflepuff asking Penny to said dance." She effortlessly dodged Patsy's tackle and scurried farther away.

"You! You...!" Patsy huffed, getting back to her feet. "Like, since when do I have any feelings for Brian Wilts?"

Becky shrugged, casually inspecting her nails. "Since Hogsmeade, I expect."

Patsy smouldered. "I see you grinning. Shut up. Like, right now!"

"Girls?" Penny had joined them, her dark waves hanging lankly about her shoulders. Everything about her seemed to be drooping, from her eyelids to her knee-high stockings.

Becky sobered with concern for her friend. "Pen, what is it? You're going to have to explain. Otherwise... well... We won't be able to help you." Together with Patsy, she placed a hand on the brunette's shoulder, and smiled.

Penny looked away, and out came a jumble of words: "Gilbert... foundhisstatuefirstand... his statue... portkey... Lori Thornton's house... thenAmeliefoundhersnextandjoinedhim... andSventoobutSavannahwasalready... was already there, in a dress for some reason..."

The other two exchanged glances once more. _What in the name of Merlin's bloomers?_ Becky wondered to herself. _Well, Savannah _does _seem the type to do this... whatever it is. But why Lori Thornton's house? Slimy girls go together, I guess._

"And Charity Price was there, and I was so scared! She's working with Savannah, Lori, and that Slytherin boy who pretended to be Bulgarian or whatever." She'd calmed down, but her eyes were still wide and glassy. "I thought she was going to kill Gi- I mean, kill them."

_She's still denying that she is madly in love with Gilbert. Foolish girl!_ Becky put her hands on her hips. "Why don't you go drink one of Pomfrey's calming potions and get her to look at those cuts and bruises?"

Penny nodded numbly, and together, the three girls headed to the hospital wing. Once the panicky brunette was in Madam Pomfrey's hands, Patsy grabbed Becky's shoulder and turned her down a corridor.

_What's all this secrecy about?_ Becky wondered. "Patsy?"

"I have genius plan," her Canadian friend replied, stealing Sven's accent. "I know how we can make everyone happy at the dance tomorrow."

"_Every_one?"

Patsy sighed. "Alright. Penny, Gilb, Brian and..." She made a face and shot a 'don't-you-dare-say-I-told-you-so' glare at Becky. "And me."

_Heh heh, part of this plan involves Brian dancing with her, I assume. _A grin was on Becky's face, but she took the glare seriously. "Very well. Tell me, O Genius One. I shudder with anticipation."

Sticking out her tongue, Patsy continued. "'Kay, so, with the help of Amelie and that Ravenclaw friend of Ninian's - I learned she, like, used to be buds with Lori - we distract her. Amelie's pretty popular, and being seen dancing with Amelie will probably interest Lori. We'll set it up to look like Amelie's hanging out with the Ravenclaw girl... Claudia Preen. Then, Amelie'll see Lori and, like, leave Claudia to dance with her. Lori will be too gleeful and annoying to notice me slide in and whisk off with Gilb. I'll send Sven to take his place."

"Wait, I understand now. Lori will have two champions dancing with her now - one of them a dead sexy Bulgarian man rippling with muscles, the other a dead sexy French lady with whom to climb the proverbial social ladder. She'll completely forget Gilbert, and so you can do the ol' switch-a-roo."

Patsy nodded. "Yessireebob. So, Gilb and I dance over to Penny, and _presto_, Brian will join me, and Penny will get Gilb!"

_She's cleverer than she lets on_, Becky mused with a grin. "Ah, but what about Sven? Will he be so eager to leave you for Amelie and... Lori?"

"Hey, you're forgetting Amelie's effect on men. She'll probably be wearing something slim-fitting, and swishing all that long hair around her lovely figure..." Patsy smiled smugly. "Oh, and the best part is, Lori is such an idiot. We won't even have to depend on Amelie and Claudia's acting skills."

"And then Amelie can slink off whenever she feels like it, 'cause as soon as Penny and Gilbert start dancing, I doubt Lori'll be able to part them," Becky added. "You're right. Everyone will be happy."

* * *

Ninian stared up the grand staircase in amazement. There were five gorgeous ladies striding towards him, but one caught his eye in particular. Rebecca was a vision in her fishtail gown of rich scarlet organza. And... He frowned. Her hair was blonde again?

As the girls reached him, the Gryffindor in question stepped closer and smiled. As if reading his mind, she winked and gave her hair a tug. It came away from her scalp slightly, revealing a mess of violet beneath. "A wig," she whispered, tucking it back into place.

Penny cleared her throat. "Alright, Becks. We're about to initiate plan A!"

"Plan A?" Ninian asked worriedly, glancing behind the Penelope and Patsy and seeing, to his surprise, Amelie and Claudia (encrusted in eye shadow, as usual). "May I ask what it entails?"

With an unreassuring chuckle, Patsy leaned in conspiratorially. "Well, if you'd like the full title of the plan, I can tell you its initials are GGAFLSPCEHAPCSB!" She waited until he asked her to continue. "Otherwise known as... Plan 'Get Gilb Away From Lori So Penny Can Enrapture Him And Patsy Can Snog Brian.'"

Ninian stared at her in horror. "Claudia, I don't suppose you have anything to do with this... plan?" He gulped as she nodded.

"Why, of course my dear Ninny!" she exclaimed. "I'm in the first wave!" Her gaze suddenly jerked away from him. "Target in sight! Come, Amelie!" The two dashed past him into the ballroom, his friend in gold, the French girl in silver.

"In the name of Merlin's imitation crab meat..." Ninian muttered under his breath.

Rebecca sighed and hid a smile. "I must confess that I have no idea what they plan to do."

Ninian was never to know Claudia's part in the whole thing, for by the time he entered the room, Claudia had gone to her group of friends far away from where Amelie now stood chatting with a rather excited Lori in a horrifically pink gown of sorts.

"So far so good," Patsy said delightedly. "Amelie wore that really tight mermaid gown!"

_Oh, dear. If the girls are pleased about something like that, this plan ought to be very interesting..._ Holding out his hand, Ninian took Rebecca's and guided her farther into the room. "Well, m'dear, the official dance shan't start 'til the clock hath struck half past-"

Rebecca raised an eyebrow, and Patsy muttered something like, "You don't have to be more British than you already are... I can't understand your slang as it is..."

He grinned. "Fine. The ball doesn't start for a bit, but may I have this dance anyhow?" For effect, he swept a ridiculous bow.

Laughing, the wig-wearer consented. As Ninian twirled her about, Rebecca's gaze went over his shoulder, and her eyes went wide. Investigating, Penelope was found, also dancing - with Gilbert Malfoy! And Patsy with Brian Wilts!

"How...?" Rebecca choked. "Sven isn't even here yet."

Amelie appeared beside them, looking amused. "Never fear. Lori was just dragged off to ze headmeestress's offeece. Zumzing about..." She grinned. "Ze zecond challenge!"

Penny and Gilbert were now dancing near enough to hear. "Thank Merlin!" the former breathed. The latter was spinning her, so Ninian could only pick up bits of what she was saying. "But then that means... Our plan was superfluous? But it was so devious."

"Deviousness turns me on," Gilbert stage-whispered to her, and twirled her away from the others once more. Their dress robes complemented each other's nicely - she wore a white, corset-like bodice over a large poof of knee-length lavender tulle, and he a charcoal tux with a silken shirt of pale gold.

It was fortunate that Brian wore a simple black tux, for Patsy's brilliantly orange ball gown more than made up for any lack of colour on his part.

Rebecca, Amelie, and Patsy were exchanging glances and looking smug. "Sweet! Now Gilb can, like, walk her in for the champions' entrance. They start the dance, right?" the latter asked.

Rebecca nodded. "But... what about Sven?"

"Yes, what about him?" Brian echoed nervously. He was glancing at the entrance so rapidly that he seemed to have a tick.

Amelie gracefully pointed, and Ninian turned to see a bizarre sight.

"_Lendy?_" Patsy hollered. "Of all the people he could swap me for? _Lendy?_ She massages her French toast, for pants' sakes!"

Ninian couldn't help but snicker and add, "She seems to be massaging Sven now, too."

McGonagall was the last of the faculty members to enter. She surveyed the scene with a gaze that was at once caring and strict. Satisfied, she climbed up onto the stage, her wand becoming a voice magnifier yet again. "Good evening, students of Hogwarts, Durmstrang, and Beauxbatons." She winced, but quickly covered her mistake: "And, as of this year, we welcome Boarwilds to the Tr- Quadrawizard Ball!"

There was a roar of applause which then quickly died away. Savannah was also missing from the crowd. It seemed McGonagall had immediately cracked down on the troublemakers. Why, then, was Jeremy Mude still gallivanting around the room with a Slytherin floozie? Hadn't Rebecca told Ninian that Mude was one of the baddies?

"May I have all of our champions - save Savannah, who is otherwise occupied - and their partners following Professor Bell to prepare for your grand entrance?" the headmistress continued, casting a careful glance at Headmaster Allcock. "As for the rest of you, clear a path, thank you!"

Professor Bell emerged from a hidden door, wearing a dress that was a little too short for professional appearances. She tossed her blonde hair and beamed girlishly. "Come on, loves!"

Ninian patted Gilbert on the shoulder sympathetically. How they ever let a woman like her into the staff, he'd never know. She must be extremely brilliant to have become a professor at such a young age... _Never just a book by its cover_, he reminded himself.

Gilbert, Penelope, Sven, and Lendy headed towards the giggling professor, but Amelie hung back for a moment. "Amelie, you haven't got a partner, have you?" Rebecca cried.

"A shocker, with no sarcasm at all," Patsy added, her eyes wide.

The French girl merely smirked. "Ha, that shall not be much of a problem," she purred. In one swift motion, she turned and grabbed a boy standing just behind her. "_Bonjour, mon amour_," she whispered to the rather startled redhead, who then followed her like a dog to Professor Bell.

"If you randomly grabbed me, Rebecca, I'd follow you anywhere, too," Ninian whispered to his date.

"Shush." But there was a quirk to the corner of her lips.

* * *

Gilbert did his best to avoid the lady's exposed cleavage with his eyes. "Uh, excuse me, Professor Bell, but-"

She placed a lacquered fingernail on his lips. "Call me Naomi," she insisted flirtatiously.

Penelope seemed to be stifling riotous laughter.

"Very well, _Naomi_," he began, shooting a glare at his partner. "Exactly when are we entering? You've been talking to Sven for five minutes now. Didn't Professor McGonagall say we had, er, preparing to do?" 'Talking' was a euphemism for her obvious gushing over the muscular Bulgarian.

She giggled and clapped her hands together. "Oops! Oh, dearie, dearie me! I fear I've let my excitement take over again... Now, let's see... I want you in a boy-girl-boy order. So, I'll have Sven and, um, his lovely date in the front..."

"Lendy," Sven said, gesturing at his 'lovely date.'

"Yeah... And then Amelie will come after Sven, and her date - What's your name? Ah! - Tomas after... Lendy..." Naomi's glittering green eyes latched onto Gilbert's. "And you, sweetie, shall come next, with Penny."

Penelope took Gilbert's arm protectively. "Is that all?"

Naomi smirked, leaning in to whisper, "Cool it, miss - I'm after the foreigner."

The procession commenced, with only a minor mishap - ie. Lendy stopping in the middle of it to compliment Penelope on her knees - and soon Gilbert was able to return to his friends. To his surprise, his fellow Slytherin, Timothy, was there as well. "Malfoy... You haven't seen Mude in a while, have you?"

Rebecca laughed. "His date slapped him and he stormed off," she informed the boy, pointing toward a pair of large doors.

"This must have happened while we were out," Penelope reasoned. "Not fair!"

As the dance progressed, Gilbert was blissfully unaware of what was really happening around him. All he remembered was Penelope's laughter and the way the dress flattered her slender form. So when she suddenly told him that Rebecca was crying, he was extremely confused.

"It's her brother," she explained quietly. "The centaurs found his shirt in the woods." They watched as the rather hysterical Gryffindor was quickly escorted out of the room.

Gilbert frowned. "And they chose to tell her this in the middle of the dance? What were they thinking? She should be allowed to enjoy herself for a day!"

Penelope nodded, her sparkling eye makeup catching light from the candles. "Professor Marcell - who else? The oaf has no concern for anyone but himself."

The music continued - it seemed everyone else would just let Rebecca cry in solitude. For Gilbert, however, it was just too awkward. "Would you like to investigate?" he finally asked, after a song's length of dispassionate dancing with Penelope.

She smiled. "I would, actually. Very much so."

They stole away, sneaking through the doorway they'd gone into with Professor Bell. But before they could stealthily sneak to the main doors of the school, McGonagall spotted them.

"I wouldn't go out tonight, m'dears," she said worriedly, rushing to stand between them and the doors. "The centaurs aren't in the best of moods."

Penelope swallowed. "We'd just like to ask them about... Roderick Curd's shirt..."

"You've heard the news, then?" The headmistress sighed. "Marcell, that callous fool… I suppose, as you are Rebecca's friend..." She glanced at Gilbert and frowned. "...or _friends_, rather?"

He confirmed this hastily.

"Well, then I suppose I can let you speak with the centaurs briefly. But, please, for my sake and your own, don't hassle them or give them any reason to hurt you. Something horrible is afoot in the woods, and they aren't themselves."

"I understand, and I swear I won't anger them," Penelope responded. Gilbert was quick to echo her, and hoped his voice didn't quaver.

McGonagall nodded. "Very well. But Penelope, please take a coat. It's chilly out there." Her skirts made a soft sliding noise on the polished wood floors as she left them.

Gilbert shrugged off his suit jacket. "Here, wear this."

"No, you'll be cold then." Penelope stuck out her tongue. "I'm more warm-blooded."

He smirked. "Fine." Instead of replacing his jacket, he unbuttoned his shirt as well, and then slid the jacket over his bare skin.

"What are you-?" Penelope began to ask.

With a movement of his wand, Gilbert whispered, "_Effeminatus_..." His silken, pale gold shirt leapt out of his hand and proceeded to contort itself in the air. The wizard and witch watched with fascination as its sleeves shortened and then puffed, threads undoing themselves and then stitching back together somewhere else, and excess fabric folding into flower details and lining the waist, cuffs, and collar. When it was all done, one would never have known it had been a man's shirt only moments before.

As a final touch, the newly effeminate garment slid itself down Penelope's slender arms and settled lovingly around her torso.

"Oh, honestly," she huffed when Gilbert's spell had finished.

He just grinned. "To think my uncle failed miserably when he tried to do the opposite with his dress robes!" Taking her arm, he led her through the doors and toward the centaurs.

Old Hagrid and Madam Maxime were talking to the rather frenzied looking beasts, still in their enormous dress robes (and that would be the giants', not the centaurs'). They looked up at the approach of the students and frowned.

"It's alright, Hagrid!" Penelope cried. "We've got permission!"

"Him, too?" the half-giant asked, gesturing at Gilbert.

She laughed. "Yes, Mr. Malfoy as well." The Malfoy in question scowled.

_Charity Price has got to be behind the centaurs' agitation_, Gilbert reasoned. _This all started when she got around: Savannah, Roderick, Mude..._

One of the centaurs cantered toward the newcomers. "What do you want with us?" he roared, rearing up and flailing his powerful forelegs.

"We only want answers regarding our friend's shirt that you've found." Penelope's soft, clear voice was humble, and yet it held a note of power. Translation: I'm asking you kindly, but whether or not you choose to give the answers up easily, I'm getting answers.

Gilbert smiled at the brunette, admiring her.

The centaur ceased his mad behaviour, and settled instead into a mildly deranged demeanour. "What must you know?" he asked darkly.

Penelope stepped forward. "Where in the forest did you find it?"

"Far from the home of the acromantulas, but farther still from the centaur territory. Other territory lines are hard to determine... I can only say it was where no _boy_ should be."

The Gryffindor shot a look a terror at her partner.

"What state was it found in?" Gilbert asked cautiously. He dreaded the response, and wouldn't have dared ask if Rebecca was present.

The centaur turned his dark eyes on him now. "What state...?" He looked toward his kin, and his withers shuddered. When he turned back, his face was grave. "It was found quite torn, and bloody."

"Bloody?" Penelope gasped at the same time Gilbert asked, "His blood?"

"Yes and no," the centaur replied. "His blood was present, but there was something else."

"Something else...?" Gilbert prodded.

Those dark eyes glistened with something like sorrow. "Yes. Unicorn's blood."

**_A/N: Hahaha… Wow. Did I ever take a long time to get this up. Just… wow. I'm so sorry! D: School's been a beast, and I'm in those stupid advanced exam meetings… Yuck. Also, I've been creating new and equally ridiculous HP fanfic ideas… One involving a certain Draco Malfoy and a mermaid… Oh, dear lord… ANYWAYS… Haha, if anyone is wondering what Gilbert turned his shirt into, if the description doesn't hint enough, then it became a cute little blouse with little puffed sleeves and a Peter Pan collar… (squee!) How I love those. Meanwhile… Uh oh, Mude is missing and Becky's all alone – this spells certain disaster!_**

**_Oh, and doesn't like my little asterisks for dividing scenes anymore, it seems. Unless it is just a quirk on my computer, it appears that every chapter has lots its little dividing dots... So it just looks like one big scene. And when you read it, I doubt it will make sense when it suddenly jumps to a new setting and new POV. :(  
_**


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